When I was working in an elementary school in the suburbs a few years ago the gym teacher always had a playlist of whatever was like Top 40 at the time and that terrible “Pumped Up Kicks” song would always play.

I’m happy to see Trump and Ryan fail, 100%. But how bad does this sting Drumpf, and how long until he goes into full executive order frenzy and says fuck congress altogether? Does the threat of impeachment keep him from that?

Honestly I’ve ever only seen college ball in person. The Sixers have been so bad for so long I’ve never been able to justify even a couple bucks to go down and see a game.

Hell is other people at an NFL game

Even worse is when they complain about being bored by soccer, which is incidentally the only sport that actually logically deserves the name football, because of its lack of scoring. Soccer is literally nonstop action!

I truly can’t imagine watching an NFL broadcast without the down line. But then I can’t imagine watching a baseball game without the little icon that shows which bases have runners on. Memories aren’t what they used to be.

The fact that my team is the Eagles is probably the biggest detriment to my enjoyable stadium experience, I will admit. It’s difficult to pay attention to what’s happening on the field when you’re surrounded by sloppy, drunken asshats who think spending half their month’s income on a ticket implicitly condones their…

Sometimes I fantasize about a time when baseball would return to the top of American sports interests and the NFL is relegated to a niche somewhere slightly above where NHL stands right now. This is mostly out of a desire to bask in the schadenfreude of seeing Goodell’s bumbling empire burn to the ground. But baseball…

The more that I read about Trump’s treason being exposed, his and Spicer’s behavior reminds me of when I took Videography in high school and had no footage to show the teacher half a school year because I was a lazy asshole so I had my mom take a bunch of “set pictures” of me and my project partner looking at “script…

In Philly, thank god, someone had the foresight to think a giant monolithic shopping hall of misery was not a great idea, and our outdated mall is underground and attached to one of the main commuter train stations. A few years ago it was a Hellish nightmare of depressing cell phone accessory kiosks and every…

I will never cease to be amazed at these fucking boring loser assholes who create a cult of personality by just talking about dumb shit on YouTube.

I was only in Manhattan during Santacon once. Everywhere we walked there were massive lines stretching around the corners of blocks with people waiting to get into bars. Just a wonderful assortment of jacked Santa bros and Sexy Mrs. Clauses openly drinking in public. There were exactly 3 states of being; actively…

Do we even know for sure that Taylor Swift ISNT a conservative dipshit? She grew up in a traditional Christian family and she became famous singing country music.

lol his twitter handle is notaxation! HIS TWITTER HANDLE IS NOTAXATION!

Wow, I’ve never seen someone be so blatant about their opposition to abortion stemming from not thinking people should be able to have sex freely. Usually its couched in the “oh but the wee ones...”

This reminds me another reason I hate the modern horror movie aesthetics of hacks like Rob Zombie and SAW and human Centipede shit. It’s not scary as much as it’s just disturbing.

I fucking HATE those old timey haunted houses where you’re on a rickety cart that rolls along a track through a bunch of lame Halloween displays. The shit inside is so stupid but the jump scares are so viscerally grating to me. And sometimes how you come around a turn into the next room and have to slam through wooden…

The last time I went to Disney World my girlfriend really wanted to ride Expedition Everest. I typically love roller coasters but the idea of falling backwards and not being able to see was really terrifying to me. But uh, gotta make those FastPasses count so. I’m glad I rode it- now I can fall backwards.

As an aside, because this should always be mentioned in connection with this story-

I hope they do serve time in prison. This is what prison exists for, not a bunch of black teenagers smoking pot. Fucking disgusting.