OH MY GOD.

I was 8 years old when I went into my parent's bedroom one morning while my parents were still asleep and saw my Dad had a boner. I totally freaked out, woke my Mom up by dragging her out of the bed, and called 911 because I thought it was a chestburster from Aliens.

If pregnancy makes women anti abortion, abortion wouldn't exist in the first place. It's not non pregnant women who are getting abortions after all.

I came back from the doctor and said I probably couldn't get pregnant without a lot of help - help I've decided I didn't want. He hugged me, said it was OK, and asked me to marry him. Right there, in the hallway, with a litter box not 2 feet away. I said no.

Submitted for your viewing pleasure; a human-owl hybrid.

I am so happy that you got out of this relationship. Thank you for sharing your story, I wish you nothing but happiness in your future.

Sometimes it helps to look at the same type of scenario with a non-sexual action:

Kit, a 29-year-old single woman who, Shannon told me, "is looking to buy her first apartment, but is still renting. She works in the creative area, like in graphic design or fashion, and loves to bike on weekends"; and Ace, a 32-year-old similarly groovy guy, who drinks strong coffee, "likes to go to breweries and…

What's going on?!! I'll tell you what's going on! Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! 40 years of darkness! Earthquakes! Volcanoes! The dead rising from their graves! Human Sacrifice! Dogs and Cats, Living Together! Mass Hysteria!

If only you ate virtuously enough, you would live forever.

batshit hyperdimensional rudeness is the name of my EDM band

As a college freshman I thought I was hot shit going after a senior RA the first week on campus. I wasn't even attracted to him, but was swept up by all that authority. Oh, the power! One thing led to another, and when things began to get hot and heavy he bent his lips into my ear. My mind raced with excitement. …

I have slept with so many embarrassing people. I made a lot of poor decisions in my late teens/early 20s. I lost my virginity to a 16 year old drug dealer when I was 18. And then I slept with him again a couple weeks later because I thought it might make me feel like it was a thing and not just a truly horrible idea.…

A Juggalo. I would elaborate but I don't really think that's necessary.

But the merchant was a very important person. He sold monogramed thermos clay jugs.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the tale of Saint Basil Fuckoff, the patron saint of waiters and bartenders.

"I have an educational blog" has to be a close second to "I sell monogrammed thermoses," right?

Same. Also, I kind of totally love those commercials with her and Dax.

Are you seriously the Cat Stealing Dog Bed Truther right now? Were all the conspiracy theories about chemtrails and the Lizard People taken up before you got here?

It sounds like she caught the flue.