If you are trying to pretend that you're still the young buck when you're my age, it just doesn't work.

Thats... Thats not how physics works...

Why does Grande creep me out? I don't understand. I've never heard her music, although she's clearly adorable—maybe it's the pint-sized sexy almost toddler-sized thing? I am trying to understand but may need help. Maybe she's too slick? HELP ME UNDERSTAND.

This is Texas. Federal laws are for other states.

Boxed wine? 'Cause mine is (or will be when I get home). Also picked up a nice spicy salami at Wegman's the other night to mix things up a bit. Gonna have the hot farts in my slanket.

We would like to take this opportunity to promote our new lager: Judenbrau.

The thing I hate most about millenials is how they owned slaves, threw Japanese Americans into internment camps, tried to purge the nation of supposed conmunists, forbid women from voting, and sported bowl cuts.

I physically cannot watch that video. I might die.

I read things like this and have old-lady/Mom-brain flashbacks to all of the times I drank from a giant vat of Jungle Juice or Mystery Punch or what-the-hell-ever, because the world is a wonderful place and as a college student, you don't realize your own vulnerability.

Am I lucky now, to be wiser about my own safety?…

I don't really see why the focus has to be on women here; just non-violent offenders in general.

Um, actually it's not about his penis. It's about ethics in journalism.

Oh come on, Asian people are always with the "Hey, my ching chong, what's up?!" Why can't non-Asian people say it?

Really? I think feminism's biggest mistake was when it opened up the portal to the vampire dimension.

I suppose Katy Perry's "California Gurls" should have discussed water shortages, migrant farm worker's rights, rising rent and gentrification, and state budget shortfalls.

Celebrity Edition!

This is a blatant ripoff of Rush Limbaugh's ritual before taking a shit.