No. You’re just an angry elf. Merry Christmas.

You know, there’s a way to say “Have you considered what will happen to you when you are too old to care for yourself?” without being a complete douche-canoe.

Wow, Sam Sparks? I worked for a lawyer and we had a case in front of Judge Sparks...he was kind of a sonofabitch, but he was also no-nonsense. I assumed being a white male Texas judge he’d be totes conservative, but I’m happy to see that whatever his personal views, he granted the TRO.

It was my belief that my husband was the only one who called British period dramas my “stories”. I’m happy to be wrong.

She’s so amazing. I was lucky enough to see her in Austin a couple years ago. One of the best and most memorable performances of my life. She will be missed.

Wut are you doing, US Weekly?

Yeah, something like that. No wonder she looked completely unhinged, poor thing.

Yes. I was never genuinely worried about the outcome of this election. Call it hubris, but I never, ever thought that he had a shot at the Presidency.

I had no idea! Just found that there is a 100% wind option through my electric company, and I’m signing up. Thank you!

I still appreciate her books from a literature perspective. Just not down with the philosophy. But I genuinely enjoyed The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged.

Ugh. My boss is a wonderful, generous, kind person. Who is also a proud libertarian. It’s such a weird thing to me. I just love him, but when it comes to our political ideologies, I want to smack him.

That’s pretty cute though.

I have so much leftover booze from my wedding two weeks ago that I have options. I think I’ll drink a dirty martini during the reporting, and then pop some champagne if it’s good news, or drown myself in bourbon if it’s bad news.

I have heard of these people. A lot of people have heard of these people.

This is an awesome story. Fun fact: I work in a sausage house, and our chef overcooked some ribs a bit. So I read this entire story while gnawing on the biggest pork rib you’ve ever seen.

How do you figure? Because there are no American flags, no American imagery, at all. The only flags I see are the Slovenian flag, and the European flag.

I don’t really think so. She’s smart, loyal, and kind, and stands up to a literal monster.

A+ quality internet right there.

I love this so much.