Yet another reason you don’t take advice from Kenny Rogers.

I’m sure watching it on grass makes the experience even better.

until the colonel removes the cheeto chicken sandwich, a restaurant will be destroyed every night. this i swear to you

It’s just as bleak as being a Dolphin these days.  

Orlando City is my favorite because they use “soccer club” instead of football club in their name. Viva Soccer! Viva America!

Meanwhile, at Madison Square Garden ...

He looks fabulous dribbling that basketball and wants the world to know it. I am all in on this new logo.

He would have been interested if they were flat, not round.

Dustin Diamond with gout.

Next we should fix the Hawks logo that’s a red, drunk Pacman with a little chunk of barf floating in midspew.

And yet you found no issue leaving fingers on your realistic Penguin. Your life’s work is a travesty 

As long as he doesn’t showboat like an atomic hot dog.

Even aside from how dumb this whole interview is, like come on with this, man:

Mama, there goes that bigot

Ah, “He’s doing well”, the sports version of “They were productive talks.” 

At what point do we scrap this experiment, amputate his arm and fashion a sort of basketball catapult for him to use?

Modern NBA jam would be all mathematics based deep threes and drawing contact fouls. The only possible upside would be Draymond Green absolutely rocketing a pass in a defenders dick and balls.

The thing I enjoy about Stewart in this entire situation is that I have no doubt he’s genuine. His jokes about McConnell looking like a turtle may seem like going for the easy joke, but you can tell he has seething contempt for him. The only other time I saw him visibly despise someone in this way was when he roasted…

Nah it's when he went flying down a stadium staircase in a wheelchair, which technically was an Anaheim thing