Meanwhile, at Madison Square Garden ...

He looks fabulous dribbling that basketball and wants the world to know it. I am all in on this new logo.

He would have been interested if they were flat, not round.

Dustin Diamond with gout.

Next we should fix the Hawks logo that’s a red, drunk Pacman with a little chunk of barf floating in midspew.

And yet you found no issue leaving fingers on your realistic Penguin. Your life’s work is a travesty 

As long as he doesn’t showboat like an atomic hot dog.

Even aside from how dumb this whole interview is, like come on with this, man:

Mama, there goes that bigot

Ah, “He’s doing well”, the sports version of “They were productive talks.” 

At what point do we scrap this experiment, amputate his arm and fashion a sort of basketball catapult for him to use?

Modern NBA jam would be all mathematics based deep threes and drawing contact fouls. The only possible upside would be Draymond Green absolutely rocketing a pass in a defenders dick and balls.

The thing I enjoy about Stewart in this entire situation is that I have no doubt he’s genuine. His jokes about McConnell looking like a turtle may seem like going for the easy joke, but you can tell he has seething contempt for him. The only other time I saw him visibly despise someone in this way was when he roasted…

Nah it's when he went flying down a stadium staircase in a wheelchair, which technically was an Anaheim thing

This is actually kind of tragic. Now that the fawn has the smell of the Browns on it, it’s mother will reject it and it will end up dead.

If only he had something that he could have thrown to hit the intruder, and that would then return to him, so he didn’t need to run

Hard to imagine an article with “nude photos” and “BBC” in it could end so disappointingly.  

Japan has baseball park safety on lock down. I’m not sure if America would ever want to go that far.

If he’s a “supervillain” he needs a Supervillain name, like “Train Backdoor Bandit”