I am so sorry. My parents are also conservative Christians and they have no idea about my rape for the very reason you mentioned. I send all my internet hugs to you.

Thank you! All they see is the crimson flood after dragging down the yelping seal pup. They don’t see the gentle dead-eyed cruising or the sweet caress of pectoral fins while making love. Bless their hearts.

I’m a southern woman who dabbles in both, but if I’m going to tell someone to fuck off, it has to be heavily accented and foul, as in “well, you can just fuck right off, honey.” They never knew what hit ‘em.

Oh no no. It’s very flexible. In fact, as soon as I read “He sustained a severe injury” I thought ‘well bless his heart.’

I was on my period and my husband and I had been to a party (he was drunk, so I was DD) , so we stopped to get Rally's (It's disgustamazing) and they have the most wonderful, seasoned, pepper fries. I ask my husband if he wants me to order him some fries with his burger and he says, "I don't really want many, can I…

Hey! I lived there too and walked over in a strep throat delirium to my neighbor's door when he was playing bass for three hours at 2 in the morning.

Oh my gosh. I must have lox this weekend. I must devour the bacon of the sea!

Someone's gotta do it.

I fucking love chicken feet. They are delicious. That is all.

Hey, buttholes are still meat.

Q: How do you know someone's a vegan?

I have a bunch of veggie friends who will literally cry if I eat raw oysters or octopus in front of them, so I try to avoid hurting anyone by asking what's acceptable to eat in front of them. I'm not trying to be patronizing, I just hate seeing anyone cry or get nauseated. :(

Hey. I am also working on my thesis. Solidarity!

My husband was a GM and I guarantee that is not always the case. He had to deal with an employee calling another employee a "fat cunt" in front of customers and then hurling a pan across the kitchen. He fired him, but the next day the guy was back because the owners didn't want him gone, because he was somebody's…

It's short rib (usually pork in this part of the country) that is cooked way down, on low heat with caramelized onion, so it becomes a rich, carmelly pile of juicy meat. Think the best parts of pulled pork, except moister with crisp edges.

Oh lord, make them bitches with some cream and chicken broth, then pile some grillades on top and no, no they aren't filthy, they are a beautiful carrier of meats. A creamy vessel to send tender, succulent pork to its funeral in my maw.

I'm a Saints fan in the same boat.

Easy now, fuzzy little man peach.

Yesssss. Old Greg Reference!

This must be made into a comedy sketch. Pronto.