My god, JUST PUT ALL OF YOUR NOTES TOGETHER AND RELEASE A GODDAMN ENCYCLOPEDIA ALREADY.* THAT IS LITERALLY ALL I WANT. TOLKIEN DID IT AND SO CAN YOU.

I think that's a full on crown. That's how I do.

I bet the rats are fun, too.

There is an obvious, elegant solution to this crisis.

Maybe the patriarchy started as a way of trying to curb the stupidity.

This is very tangentially related, but I once knew a (male) acquaintance who got into a fistfight with another random dude on the street over...what the best part of poutine is.

The correct answer is always turning the channel as fast as fucking possible.

DID YOU GUYS PLAN THIS.

I really wasn't planning to do another Terrible Customer Stories entry any time soon,

Bravo! People see me drinking my smoothies and juices and are all like, "are you on a cleaaaaaaaanse????" And im always like, "no, sucker, im drinking vegetables bc I hate chewing them. I like a liquid delivery system and I chew nothing but Nutella crepes."

THE LARGEST PRIVATE PICKLE IN THE WORLD!

Seriously though, I've avoided Houston for ages, maybe this will convince me.

Love Actually, one of the subplots was between two body doubles for an art film.

PS - I am totally wearing my "custom-made crystal head wrap" right now.

ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPH OF ADULTOSAUR GOING TO WORK

Crab Man! I had forgotten about that show.

I'm from London, lived in LA for donkeys, and likened Angeleno rain drivers with fragile geriatrics learning to ice-skate on banana peels.

Your disdain for your readership is apparent. The top-voted comment here is someone saying she understands that it's satire and doesn't find it funny. You don't need to explain it again to us.

Ruining otter 681 is a flaggable offense as it is. Being an immature weirdo on top of that is unforgivable.

I DON'T CARE I HAVE A DINOSAUR ENCYCLOPEDIA AND THE TRILOGY DVD SET AND I AM SO EXCITED!