I’m the biggest elitist snob at my local C&C. I’m all like, “What is that? A mocha-chino? You pussy. At least drink a Veranda Blond like a man. This is a Pike’s Place Bold. Black. Go back to the valley, NERD!”

YES! Thank you.
“Listen to that engine!”
I can’t. There is some kind of shrill big-beat Moby crap playing.

No, that was the intro to “Face The Nation" before Bob Schieffer retired.

Actually...

Maggiolina.

MY 2005 JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE STARTED ON IT’S OWN, WITHOUT THE KEY IN THE IGNITION. I WAS IN BED AT THE TIME AND IT CAME INTO MY BEDROOM AND IT WAS WATCHING ME SLEEP. THE 2005 JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE CALLED MY OFFICE REPEATEDLY DURING BUSINESS HOURS AND HARASSED ME AND MY COWORKERS. THE JEEP FOLLOWED ME TO MY SON’S BASEBALL…

Not only does it knock him 10 feet back, the force of the explosion literally rips all his clothes off. It’s kind of hilarious.

West Virginia Rt 250 from Wheeling to Hundred (that’s the town’s name...Hundred). Two smooth lanes with hundreds of elevation changes and blind curves, with a posted speed limit that actually feels TOO fast for the road.

That business about hanging on the door must be a VW dealer thing. When I bought my GTI, the saleswomen said, “Some of the other salespeople will hang off the door to show you how strong the hinges are, but I wouldn’t want to buy a car that someone was hanging on, so I don’t do it.”

Those look like harpies.

I was driving my truck town the main street of my small suburban neighborhood. Passing the gas station/convenience store, I happened to see MYSELF standing at one of the gasoline pumps, filling his car. I literally stood on the brakes, locking up my wheels and skidding to a stop. He looked up at the noise of my…

Wow. German really is a beautiful language.

Those ain't Wranglers, bro...

Guy invents a way to get shot by trigger-happy police.

I learned that if you don't know exactly what a bolt does, you shouldn't remove it.

Jesus Christ, dude. Are you a robot? How goddamned obvious does sarcasm need to be for you to be able to detect it?

I named my '66 Corvair "Bunny" because it was white on the outside and red on the inside. Like a bunny.

Deterion.
Sounds like the name of a Transformer.