No no no no no no. Jordan is smart. Buy as soon as you get engaged. And start paying that mortgage down. Prepay that sucker. One of your main objectives in life should be staying out of/eliminating debt. We bought our house when we got engaged at age 26. Refinanced to a 15-year mortgage and paid it off in like…

I try to fart when my partner is far away so that I can then warn him not to come near if it's bad. Seems to work pretty well, as I wouldn't feel very good about subjecting anyone to what comes out of me the morning after a falafel feast or something.

So that guy is engaged but can't tell his fiancee he needs to take a shit?

anti-catites.

The jersey will be worn with red shorts (the socks haven't yet been released), so Nike's really doubling down on that color.

Wared he get hurt?

Yep, certainly wouldn't want a designated hitter. Nope. Never. That wouldn't be real baseball!

Come on, guys. You're reaching here. He's their star player. The people of Milwaukee will love Ryan Braun no matter what until they find out he's Jewish.

Geeze, don't you idiots understand sarcasm?

I prefer Young Women's Crip Army

DeSean Jackson's name is in the English language. English is derived, in part, from German. So why would it be shocking if DeSean Jackson were a Nazi, and led the siege of Stalingrad in 1943?

The Ohio National Guard lauds the officer's restraint.

Flawless Comment, well done.

Ware he finally lands has yet tibiannounced.

We all know Gandhi did it. Total monster, that one.

It CANNOT be that hard. Take Dead Space, replace all enemies with various Xenomorphs, throw in some familiar names and locations and voila, MONEY.

What does Richard Sherman have to say

aaww my gosh its erin rogers

They're bipedal turtles. There's no way they can't be top heavy.

No, it's not a real quote. It's a contextualized rendering of what Dunham actually said, which was considerably more blathery.