I mean, what kid is actively looking for a magazine anyway?

Maybe I'm too liberal but I don't see the big deal. I wish parents were more honest and say that they're uncomfortable looking at half naked people and leave kids out of it. Kids for the most part don't give a shit about a lot of stuff parents worry about. How will this cover harm them?

Yeah, she has Michele Bachmann eyes.

Some guy at a party once tried to tell us all that merpeople were real because he saw a documentary about it. When we IMDBed his documentary and it was clearly labeled a mockumentary, he scoffed, "IMDB is no more reliable than Wikipedia." True story.

I try not to judge people by appearance, but she looks just as a crazy as she sounds.

BOLIVIAN CHILDREN ARE BAD FOR YOU

I think that to the Food Babe, natural means "anything that doesn't scare me or gross me out."

swirling secretions from a beaver's anal glands around in your mouth.

"lizard people live under Los Angeles"

Being a nuttier-than-squirrel-shit lunatic is the path to fame and fortune in modern America.

"There's a truly bizarre strain of anti-intellectualism running through both ends of the political spectrum, fostered by people who instinctively distrust anything beyond their immediate comprehension"

the Food Babe Presents:

there's a good chance you'll be swirling secretions from a beaver's anal glands around in your mouth.

You know what chemical in food really scares me? That DHMO, dihydrogen monoxide. Scary stuff.

Ah yes, pageant portraits — the uncanniest valley of them all. Hurrrrk.

White people names.

Abd you might as well point your car north and don't stop driving until you're in Canada.

If You're Giving Birth in Alabama, Better Be Ready for a Long Car Ride.

That actually reflects well on your family...