The second thing.

To what has the world come, that a South Park reference in the first place might find its way into an intelligent conversation, and secondly also be the perfect illustration of the author's point, meaning the show in fact is a legitimate and respected medium for social commentary?

Trey Parker and Matt Stone, those…

Since we're all drinking or wishing we were, let's toast the fact that because of this list being posted here today, someone is going to Google the Enola Gay, at which point they'll learn some useless U.S. History trivia. 'Merica: Back-to-back World War Champions.

As a certified South Carolina fat ass, I'd like to point out the intrepid level of bullshit represented by this infernal pork chop fuckery. Do we love a good pork chop? Yes. But giving North Carolina pulled pork over us is like giving "Best Pizza" to Chicago over New York. They don't fucking do it right.

As a certified South Carolina fat ass, I'd like to point out the intrepid level of bullshit represented by this infernal pork chop fuckery. Do we love a good pork chop? Yes. But giving North Carolina pulled pork over us is like giving "Best Pizza" to Chicago over New York. They don't fucking do it…

"Seriously, you guys, I only did it one time at summer camp when I was 15. I don't even know if I'm good at it. It was like really big, too. Like, this big. [Holds up hand]. Can you imagine getting all that in your mouth?"

I am disgusted that my attempt to simultaneously slight both Vermont and New Hampshire by pointing out their obscurity and insignificance was mistaken by so many as a legitimate request for a geography lesson. I have Google, kids.

The best.

Which one's Vermont and which one's New Hampshire? I can never remember.

[T]his one's easy: Which artist is listened to the most in each state?

PBR Light is the fucking worst. Thanks for not dignifying it with any sort of ranking like some of these god damned hipsters are suggesting.

The site you're looking for is Jezebel.

Wine snobs spit; beer snobs swallow. So who's the worst again?

I used to eat this when I was a kid and we were on WIC. I remember it not being so bad, but we was po', so I guess it was better than nothing. Somewhere along the line, Dad finally got a job, and we could afford real cereal, and CINNAMON TOAST MOTHERFUCKING CRUNCH!

Nerd alert, but are you sure it's not a black bear? That doesn't look like a Grizzly.

My money was on this guy.

"[T]he kind of humorless dolt who would share Onion articles with incredulous statements like, "I can't believe this …"

You know who's not laughing about this? All the unfortunate cleat chasers and lot lizards Minor has slammed over the years who are realizing he's probably the one who gave them gonhorrea.

Hillsong United, huh? I guess Shovels and Rope are "too mainstream" now. Whatever. I'll take it, because anything's better than Darius Rucker, or Hootie, or whatever the fuck he's going by now on his latest quest to bastardize another popular musical genre.

I have nothing intelligent to add. Just fuck Prince Fielder sideways with a rusty claw-hammer. Fat people are supposed to be jolly and comical. He's just a dickhead.