I moved right past “ponderin” to “masturbatin” pretty quick and it’s a pretty nice place to be.

I know a bunch of maladjusted weeners from high school who do SCA shit who have trebuchets ready to go. It’s simply a matter of which volcano.

I’d rather have to fuck a great white shark to death than listen to .25 seconds of that piece of shit “Marvin Gaye” blasphemy that dork Charlie Puth and her did. I’d rather pound nails into my kneecaps. I’d rather shit into my own eyes.

Actually, on further reflection, both the stank glands and the berries would just regrow.

I have a friend named “BluhssagesBlithBlolves” who regularly takes a 32oz. stein glass, fills halfway with ice, mid-grade whiskey even with the top of the ice, then a Mexican Coke on top to completely fill the glass. He claims he has a prescription to help him “not have feelings”. Should he get a second opinion from…

I worked at bars/nightclubs for a decade - basic bitchez can’t guzzle this shit fast enough.

I imagine Weapon X program or the Professor would have had his glands removed years ago, or they’d have made him sleep in the garage.

99 1/2. Other grandma made it to 97 living on pickled pig’s knuckles and a tablespoon of salt on EVERYTHING - she smoked for 80 years and her taste buds had just completely given up.

Yup - she was 13 when the shit hit that fan.

Ever heard of “Fool’s Gold Loaf”, another supposed Elvis favorite?

I used to work with a Mongolian guy (like, grew up in a yurt, and his family’s Big Occasion meal was boiling a yak head for a month or some shit - he took to pizza and cheeseburgers with great enthusiasm). He would do shit like put Nutella on asiago dill bagels or peanut butter on pizza, because to him that wasn’t any…

That sammich has been around forever - I think it’s a pretty normal “GRANDMA I’M HUNGRY” thing to get. I’ve had it. Don’t need to have it again.

My grandma was into butter, peanut butter, mayo, banana, and onion sandwiches. Really fucking weird. And she was 1/2 1st gen English, 1/4 German, 1/4 Native American, by way of Cleveland so who knows where the fuck she discovered that combo.

You know what I’m almost hopeful for? The “Y: The Last Man” adaptation that’s been kicking around. It’s really just an intense road trip. Bad casting and bad writing can kill anything, but it seems like something that reqires no extra effort to get right.

Missouri is a third-world hellhole with a shitty economy and an educational system in freefall. All this “BURN THE SLUTS BURN THEM” noise is just a distraction.

Their sin is that they’re just so goddamned boring. Coldplay is horrible, but at least they fill me with hate.

There is not one crumb of hyperbole here. It’s one of the greatest achievements of the medium. Anyone who hasn’t seen it, please do so posthaste.

Kinjanatti?

They’re basically giant box cutter blades, and they can break off dulled sections so the end one is sharp.

Heard their Alderman has basically sworn to run ‘em out using ‘nuisance establishment’ laws - like a liquor store that sells crack on the sly, or a bar fronting a prostitution ring.