Auron from FFX is supposed to be a lousy 35. Except he (*spoiler alert*) died 10 years before the game begins, and apparently being dead only means you look 50 when you’re 35 but you’re still tough as fuck.

Taylor Swift is America’s Basic-ass irritating kid cousin. She’s about as interesting as clipping your toenails, and why anybody gives any kind of a shit about her boringness fucking mystifies me.

My Vietnam vet, Reagan-voting father has said his fondest wish is to see them all swing from the gallows in the square.

How about Nick Cannon or Chris Brown as a wacky rapping part-animal sidekick WITH A SKATEBOARD!

That is literally how I end up playing every stealth game. The first dozen guys I can sneak up on and knock out and stuff in a dumpster or locker or whatever? That’s to protect them from me when I eventually fuck up and have to Fucking Kill Everything.

I’m about as deathly-boring hetero as can be, and I don’t think it would be the least bit gay to have sex with David Bowie. If the opportunity presented itself, anyone would be a fool not to take it.

Well, those guys are okay, but they’re still normals.

Half the ladies I know completed puberty in a mere 90 minutes because of that bulge.

Yes & no. I grew up in BFE Michigan, where it wasn’t at all unusual to have 3-4 more vehicles than people at any given address, plus a couple at the back of the property for target practice. Plenty of space, why the fuck not?

Yes, but you probably wouldn’t want to daily a box truck or a pedovan. A minivan is basically a car until you need it to be a van, and many can hold a full sheet of ply or drywall. If you need to haul a couple hundred pounds of pig shit, then you probably want a truck.

#1. You left out “Fudge Tunnel”, bruh
#2. Snot-nosed 19-year-olds get cut a lot of slack because they’re stupid as shit. If you’re a 40-year-old who thinks it’s funny and subversive and that PC culture is out of control when people don’t like your band “Jimmy Savile and the Baby Rapists” or “Faggot Abortion”, than…

I used to work with a guy who took a lot of what I’m certain was low-quality Molly on the weekends, and you could tell when he’d spent that time watching the weird-recesses-of-YouTube-shit. Lots of “None of us have ever actually seen the earth from space. Makes you think.” and “God has a plan for everybody. He does.…

When 3-D printing gets to the point where they can pop out one of these, imma buy one SO HARD I’ll burn my fingers getting out my wallet. Shit, I’d pay $20k for exactly that up there if they still made it.

The answer is “both”.

They fall victim to an extremely well-run dog and pony show that convinces them they can buy enough guns to feel “safe”. Just 4-5 more oughta do it. Maybe 10. Alright, 35. 39 more guns should be okay. Yup, 50, and no more. 100, and I’m done, etc etc.

There’s a reason why soldiers can be shot, for better or worse. They signed up for the job, not just the parts that they “liked” or thought would be “fun”.

Look at what cops do to people who live in their own communities for kicks. Soldiers would throw babies into wood chippers just to see how it feels after about a week of legimate armed insurrection.

I’ve played through to Dunwall Tower, halfway-ish, and honestly haven’t been able to bring myself to come back to it. It’s beautifully designed, a world that truly feels fully realized. My problem was that I didn’t really want to save it. It’s just such a miserable place, full of despair and death. It seems like the…

Yeah, anybody who barfs up any of these platitudes, in all their infinite barfy variations, worships one evil motherfucker.

You think he gets invited to parties where they’d keep the ranch and velveeta in separate bowls? THAT’S FREEDOM DIP AN U LIKE IT OR GET THE FUCK OUT ‘MURICA