My favorite thing is when people give up pets after having them for several months/a couple years, and then a few weeks later are on social media showing their brand new kitten/puppy. That’s always heartwarming, isn’t it? Got rid of the inconvenient pet that wasn’t in the precious kitten/puppy stage anymore and…

Well that is a kafkaesque nightmare right there. Ugh.

Lactose intolerant. Not drinking milk, no matter where it came from. I am with you on full fat dairy products though, because I torture myself for them.

I agree with you. And wow, especially insulting that they sued him for litigation costs. But aren’t there unlawful termination of a fetus charges? Could you sue for damages based on that, when it was clearly gross negligence on the side of the hospital? It’s awful whenever a woman’s choice is taken from her, whether…

That’s amazing that Catholic Health Initiatives would take that position, especially considering their “save the baby at all costs, even the mother’s life” strategy at Mercy Health Partners here in Ohio and Michigan. I understand that it’s a tough area of law, and that’s indeed tragic. But when people put forth this…

Smile and nod, honey. You now know the truth. Elvis has re-entered the building, and he’s a 29-year-old, five foot tall Polish lesbian with better guitar skills.

I’ve evolved to only need to poop once a week and can treat malaria, breast cancer and Chagas disease with the algae that grows in my fur. What’ve you got?

I think it is too. These types of laws are being used to prosecute women who self-harm during pregnancy, use drugs during pregnancy, or are accused of trying to induce a miscarriage. I remember when GWB signed Laci and Connor’s Law, after the murder of Laci Peterson, and how contentious that was. Yes, what happened to…

Birthday twins! We share a birthday with Madonna and Frank and Kathie Lee Gifford, too.

Yet she wants to be patted on the back and commended for coming out, and be shielded for any criticism. I remember when Ellen was on Howard Stern and how flabbergasted she was that Caitlin had only just come around on gay marriage, and how disingenuous it felt. Like someone was basically saying to her “Okay now,…

My opinion on Caitlin Jenner is Kyle from South Park’s: I don’t like her. I didn’t like her when she was presenting as Bruce, I don’t like her now that she’s out as Caitlin, and I also don’t think she’s that good of a person. I’m judging her on her character, not her gender identity. She comes off as a completely…

Horrifying. And they’re so ugly too! If you’re going to be a mean bird, at least be majestic while being mean like a sand hill crane.

See, you’ve got it all wrong. Elvis had two versions of himself: pre-army skinny Elvis, and fat Vegas jumpsuit Elvis. I am mostly pre-army skinny Elvis because I am allergic to bananas and his favorite sammy was fried PB and banana, and drinking milk grosses me out. But my blood clot leg is swollen, and that fulfills…

Oh, totally. If you’re having dairy products like yogurt, ice cream or cheese, you either go all the way or don’t go at all.

Suzie/Swan Swami was the greatest swan that ever lived. I miss that old broad every day. She had a leg that was slightly underdeveloped so she looked like she had post-polio syndrome, but she got around just fine. She kept the geese at bay, hung out as I drank my coffee in the morning and grilled dinner at night, and…

I’m more a fan of Kefir, yogurt’s cousin in the McMansion across town.

You poor thing, you know the horrors of Post Traumatic Goose Disorder. It’s terrible. It’s a good thing that the neighbor by the beach saw the commotion and decided to leave his Natty Ice and grab a broom to get them off of me, or else I would have been disemboweled by those rotten poultry. I hate them, and I don’t…

There is a difference between drinking milk straight and putting it in things. I, for example, make these divine cream puffs. I make the cream filling over a double boiler, and you cannot use anything but whole milk for the cream or else it won’t be the proper texture and it will ruin the puff pastry. But actually…

Rotate between a punch to the kidneys and a kick in the shins.

The thickness gets me in the back of my throat. Along with lactose intolerance, I only torture myself for my daily coffee and cheese ritual.