Okay there’d be no dry food left if we’d all gotten our groceries tossed in a lake after we criticized a Jaguar drive.

SPINCEPTION.

“Mikey... Mikey... we never told you that you were adopted. We figured you knew... You’re a 50-year-old man. This never dawned on you?”

Judge: “All rise.”

Jonah Muniz, Mabel Gondres, and Lorrie Pearson discuss their findings with local authorities.

“Holding, offense, number 63, 10 yard penalty, repeat 3rd down”

Fans of advanced metrics said he did 191 of nothing in 1930. They were meaningless and indicative of nothing.

Do you think that the current high cost of a Duke education was because they were paying the teachers too much?

Hey now, the New York Times could have scooped Deadspin, but the copydesk had a major blow up about whether it was double handjob, double hand-job, or double handjobs since it was more than one.

Being a police officer is a dankless job but somebody’s gotta do it.

Condition has been downgraded to Gnarly

My ovaries just exploded.

Because Barry didn’t write this article as he is the only person at this site who recognizes hockey as a sport. If it’s not FOOTBAW or baseball, it doesn’t exist as far as Magary is concerned.

Best sports hair past and present:

You just *know* that the studio really wants a white guy. And that all this “we can’t find a guy after 2000 auditions” is just cover for when they announce that Aladdin will be played by Hugh Jackman.

UPDATE: The water park has decided to let it slide

Man, could you imagine how many games he’d miss in a 162 game season?

“Gaethje’s solution was the only one he knows: more violence.”

Helluva nurple.

Pictured above: the fan-favorite character, Cardoor