Put your faith in reputable news outlets like, uh, Deadspin.

I’d recognize the bend & snap anywhere.

I believe the technical term is “transpoosion”

All the Martians I know are pretty good at basketball

Umm - what kind of teenager KEEPS JERKING OFF in defiance and protest when their parents walk in?
ETA - Correct, this is totally something that Trump would do. It’s also an excellent metaphor for the campaign/presidency. They got caught jerking it by the adults and just kept on doing it.

Sounds plausible, but I’m inclined to believe the Sea Monster thing.
-Sean Hannity

“I don’t know if it’s possible to go into a fielding slump”
Chuck Knoblauch has never been happier to not be mentioned in a conversation.

Well he did it wrong. Months aren’t divisible by weeks? What kind of shit is that? Catholic obsession with the number 7 is dooming us all into confusion.

Deeply stupid is the right adjective for whatever this was.

Looks like he’d be better at Ron Burgundy LARPing to me, but I won’t tell him how to live.

Haha, aw shucks, that’s good stuff. It’s like they ate too much airline food, am I right?

Just give Tom Brady a fancy bone, and he’ll be just fine.

Omaha’s not as bad as you might think. Official city motto.
-Creighton Grad

Is that you, Tucker Max?

“Can’t wait to put this trophy in someone’s butt”
-Ben Boulware

Yup, the Broncos won the Super Bowl because of Peyton Manning’s stellar play all postseason. Much less margin for error when the defense is made of cheese.

Well I can only imagine how happy he must have been when the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead in the NBA finals. I’m glad for him.

Hooray for this comment!

Good thing their stadium staff are such class acts that they’ll commute out there for it.

Too many onions in this post, can’t watch it again. I swear, it’s onions.