It’s hot ice. You heat up the ice!

Put your faith in reputable news outlets like, uh, Deadspin.

I’d recognize the bend & snap anywhere.

I believe the technical term is “transpoosion”

All the Martians I know are pretty good at basketball

Umm - what kind of teenager KEEPS JERKING OFF in defiance and protest when their parents walk in?
ETA - Correct, this is totally something that Trump would do. It’s also an excellent metaphor for the campaign/presidency. They got caught jerking it by the adults and just kept on doing it.

Sounds plausible, but I’m inclined to believe the Sea Monster thing.
-Sean Hannity

“I don’t know if it’s possible to go into a fielding slump”
Chuck Knoblauch has never been happier to not be mentioned in a conversation.

“I learned it from you, Dad”

Well he did it wrong. Months aren’t divisible by weeks? What kind of shit is that? Catholic obsession with the number 7 is dooming us all into confusion.

Deeply stupid is the right adjective for whatever this was.

Looks like he’d be better at Ron Burgundy LARPing to me, but I won’t tell him how to live.

Haha, aw shucks, that’s good stuff. It’s like they ate too much airline food, am I right?

Just give Tom Brady a fancy bone, and he’ll be just fine.

Omaha’s not as bad as you might think. Official city motto.
-Creighton Grad

Is that you, Tucker Max?

“Can’t wait to put this trophy in someone’s butt”
-Ben Boulware

Yup, the Broncos won the Super Bowl because of Peyton Manning’s stellar play all postseason. Much less margin for error when the defense is made of cheese.

Well I can only imagine how happy he must have been when the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead in the NBA finals. I’m glad for him.

Hooray for this comment!