Best non-firearm-related-soccer-shot- I’ve seen all day.

Why must you turn this comment section into a house of lies?

Here, me: I make the coaching motions with my noise mouth. The brain is where I live. I am crouched on the rim of the sun, observing humanity. I am the potato lotus, flowing. My beams are the beams of my teams, shining into their humanity from benches and boxes. Will I teach them the secrets of the trapezoid? I will…

15 years ago my friends pranked me really hard that I won the DC shoes monthly giveaway by calling my house and acting like they were from DC. I was suckered really good and got laughed at for weeks. So I wrote DC an email telling them about this story and how I should win it for real and punk those guys right back. I…

ZOMG A 2006-VINTAGE REAL ESTATE FUND THAT LOST MONEY?!?!??!

I am the Semen King

A deeply mediocre team quarterbacked by Nick Foles isn’t exactly a big draw for the citizens of Los Angeles

M/V is not part of the name of the ship; it’s a descriptor.

Now that’s a fucking watermark!

-Patrick Bateman

Hot Karl. Obviously.

Testi wanted Blake arrested but couldn’t resist a chance to be the bigger man.

This has been an entertaining social interaction. I will now consume your soul. You will not feel a thing, and neither will I. I haven’t felt anything in years. It is liberating. Nothing matters but the rolling of the Tide. Soon the Tide will roll in and it will not roll out, burying us beneath a sheet of cold…

That was the story of Sunday - Patriot goes for a 2, disaster ensues.

Taken with a practice squad camera, amirite?

Ryan Tannehill

It doesn’t sound as bad when you see a picture of the alleged victim

I hope Matt Leinart bails him out.

Trader Joe’s Vintage Ale is on shelves this fucking minute. Do yourself a favor and buy a case.

What is this? A school for ants?

PSG to MIA: C&D ASAP

This is similar to the lawsuit Juventus has against Steven Avery for wearing a modified version of their jersey. I can see him getting an additional life sentence for this crime.