Gotdammit this is why we never invite you to parties.

Surprised he didn’t tell them to hug it out. Awkward.

As far as I’m concerned, he’s no longer the president. 

Wait . . . Did he ACTUALLY say he thinks Clinton’s Emails might be in the Ukraine?!?!? That’s fucking SNL shit right there!

“As far as I am concerned, she’s no longer Speaker of the House.”

I should have stayed in bed this morning.

“Jack, can you come into the kitchen please....What did my husband just say to you about the potato skins? TELL ME NOW.”

“Hey man, I just wanted to watch the Super Bowl...”

I mean, if he and Pence are removed from office, she becomes president, so she’s no longer speaker of the house.

In gif form:

I believe the exact quote was:

They’ve had almost 3 years to decide he’s not worth the trouble and nothing he’s done has moved the needle in the slightest.

First thing that came to mind when I heard he tried to call Nancy Pelosi and smooth it all over:

That’s what gets me too. The earbuds, the ice cream, the Gucci Main book- he just wanted to relax in his own place.

noted russian desinformatsiya strategy, “pointing out Trump’s slapped his idiot family into positions of wealth and power in a brazen display of nepotism”

Probably be a lot cheaper to go the other direction and just cover his face with tattoos. Maybe rework the more obvious ones into new motifs. Or give him a full-on Kabuki-inspired demon face. Or perhaps some Insane Clown Posse thing.

“Thanks! Cake in the conference Room!!! Have a super day!!”
-Nancy Pelosi
BE GREEN, don’t print this email 

I saw someone say that his face looked like a desk in detention. Truer words...

The determining factor is ice. Ice freezes teeth and drops in an avalanche onto your face when the glass is less than full.