Ethan, Justin, and . . . Hawkeye?

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the new University of Maryland football coach.

Your logic is without fault

It’s his own fault. If he lived in the US, he wouldn’t have had health insurance so he couldn’t have had surgery. Problem solved.

Joe West looks like a mall Santa that got fired because of beard lice.

That’s kind of a blanket statement, isn’t it?

I have reservations about starring this comment.

they can’t make the Indians give him back, that would be offensive

I will be stealing, er, borrowing this line from here on out .. I may or may not credit you, depending how negative my split time is ... cheers ...

ahhh, fuck, i needed that laugh. so very, very badly.

I’m telecommuting today. Unfortunately I have reflux, so the caffeine stops early. But I’m three beers deep already.

Bourbon, brownest of the brown liquors.

I’ve got bourbon. 430 EDT isn’t too early for brown liquors, is it?

i grow weary of this world

The Harry Caray Squeeze, but you were close.

I know this is high school but going to a Nippon League game is on my bucket list. Japanese baseball games look like so much fun. It’s like the MLB looks at it and says “nah, everyone is enjoying themselves too much, lets NOT do that.”

“This is gonna get worse. You ain’t seen shit.”

There’s no worse punishment than playing for the Browns.

“Dammit. I would give you 2/3 of a star if I could”—many fine people

From what I remember from my high school civics class, the Eighth Amendment was specifically drafted with the Browns in mind.