Ritter’s new coach - Robert Thanksgiving

OSKEE-Fucking-WOW-WOW!!!!

Every time I see a HS football highlight or headline, I incessantly start to sing -

Yep. My 8yr old tried to dunk off of a box. Just missed.

Shout out to our local Piasa Bird

What the hell is “Hoosier Thunder” doing just standing there? If you have a Short Track racing shirt on, your are expected to jump into the fray and start throwing haymakers until you finally blow out a shoulder

Lady Elaine Fairchilde is why, to this day, I despise all puppets.  (Muppets not included).

Ray Ratto wants Bob Cole to do his eulogy.

They gave ketamine to my son when he broke both of his arms (white kids can’t dunk) and they had to be reset.  Lights went off in his head in just a couple of seconds. When he came to, he no idea what had just happened.  “Why are there casts on my arm?” He also talked complete gibberish for a couple of hours after.

As an Illinois Alum, I would like to remind everyone that Bruce Pearl is a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed…

STL? The only decent thing about local news here is that I don’t have to hear Pedophile Defending, Hannity Wanna-Be Jamie Allman any longer.

Rock over London. Rock on Chicago. Bison’s Ass. Where the shit sticks

Full-time telecommuter. I have a stat called “clean time.” It is the time between my last caffeine intake and my first alcohol intake. Lately I’ve been running a negative split.

Extremely disappointed that I have not seen the headline “Cubs’ Bote Call is answered.”

As an unfortunate lifetime citizen of Illinois and more unfortunately as someone who has visited all 102 counties, Hazel Dawn may be the only person in Pope Co that understands how those darn fangled computers and internets work. Also 99.99999% certain that Hazel Dawn thinks Hillary killed people in Benghazi to cover…

Oskee-wee-wee!! Go Illinois!!

Be thankful you weren’t randomly shot

It’s a shame that Frank Cusamano makes his Deadspin debut without his A-Game hairpiece. C’mon Frankie!

A Jewish friend and I are eating at a greasy spoon in Central Illinois. The waitress lets us know how great the ham is. My buddy states that he’s Jewish and doesn’t eat pork. Her reaction: “My goodness. You don’t eat ham? What do you do for Easter?”