“May I speak with the Dean? Yes, hi, um...a friend, I mean...someone who works with my friend-uh-yes, told me, that is, told my friend that there are videos of a women’s soccer team taken in the locker room at your school on an ‘adult’ video site. What is the name of the site? I-uh...huh...I didn’t think to ask. And I…

“learned of the videos”

“local media became suspicious when Cardinal Ritter introduced their new quarterback, Ron Mexico.”

Goalie bit at that deke like it was a ham sandwich. 

Upon learning that the tarantula wasn’t a deal-breaker, my two sons have asked for your address and preferred Mother’s Day gift.  My wife is taking it remarkably well.  

You know who just wanted to have some speed and have fun? Adolph Hitler, that’s who.

Or the Toronto Maple Leafs: 1967-Present.

good for the kid and all but did you see that shit D the other team was playing???

“Whether or not to have a child is a complicated and morally questionable decision that each person must weigh carefully.” - Kelsey McKinney

“I’m kinda shy but mostly excited. And courageous.”

This is like replacing your beige Corolla with a beige Civic.

Excuse me but Chase Daniel is the epitome of Mediocre QB™ thank you very much

Fool me 13 times shame on you ...

If he’d only knocked a woman unconscious instead, they’d have him back in a month at worst.

The picture is still emblematic of the horrible conditions of the race which is really what the article is about.

First hint that staging an outdoor marathon in Dubai was a bad idea:

That’s because you collapsed from heat exhaustion within sight of the finish line!

Sounds like perfect weather for a prestigious quadrennial soccer tournament!

Don’t worry, guys.  I found a matching thumb donor.  From one Drew to another.

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