Did he get shitfaced on the bus too?

“What a load of garbage. Fighting is an integral part of the game to protect your star players from taking cheap hits, like when we played the Red Wings during Gordie Howe’s rookie year and he leveled Maurice Richard with a cross check from behind. So Dick Irvin looks at me on the bench and gives me the nod to take…

Drugs can be a difficult habit to kick so we understand why he hasn’t sought your advice.

you could argue his voters would benefit from these tax cuts, but I just don’t get it with Ryan’s district

And a douche. Never forget the douche part.

Dylan Roof. What do I win??

That’s easy. Stephen Miller.

Try to think of a more despicable person under the age of 50. Fuck, Snidely Whiplash was like 55 before he started tying women to train tracks.

This is all you need to know about Paul Ryan: He’s a heartless fucking idiot.

And on Fox News:

The world was built by intense weirdos. We stand on the shoulders of weird giants.

Oh no - you’ve become a judge?!

I don’t like liking Jim Harbaugh. This is such a weird feeling.

Our intense weirdos can actually do good when they’re pointed in the right direction. Go be intense and weird and help get people the legal help they need, Jimbo!

As a law professor, supporter of publicly-funded legal aid, and long-time ill-fitting khakis advocate, I assure you that in our cabal, public legal aid and khakis go together like... well, like khakis and absolutely any top you could imagine. Blazer, dress shirt, polo shirt, t-shirt...

I’ll take my steak medium-rare with a heaping side of JUSTICE!

I’ve never been a UM fan, but now I kind of want them to win the national title in the hope that Harbaugh would get invited to the White House and tear Trump a new asshole as the cameras are filming the ceremony.

Pop would love this kid.

That was literally one of the best sports questions I have heard.

This 11-year-old kid just put together more tangible thought and words than the fucking President of our country has at any point in his life.