You can poke fun at UK footie coverage all you like, it's still light years better than any of the middle aged frat boy, corporate carnival barker, hypemongering coverage of any US league.

When you make a goal look that damn easy, there's no need to celebrate.

...and Kenny G can defend better than all of them! The man's a beast in the box I tells ya...

Goddamn autocorrect ruins another punch line.

6. David Silva looks like Kenny G and Kenny G would be a better defender.

Bill Simmons is the 'Cool Dad' I never wanna be.

Nice work. And when you're done here, go shammy Mr. Simmons' car out in the lot.

Sir, I know my douche, and I wouldn't call that a classic douche face. It's more a pushing-out-a-hard-turd-after-too-much-cheese face.

Is it gas? Are you gassy?

Holy moly, if I wanna listen to two old jews endlessly kvetch at each other, I'd just get a job at Canter's

Holy fuck. Saw the headline and thought I was going to have to dig up the undead corpses of Stiv Bators & Peter Laughner and sic 'em on their lily-white, corporate shill asses. Fortunately, that will not be necessary.

Yeah, though she's probably more popular with the Jezebel crowd. Cheers!

"Sprinkle's mother Annie could not be reached for comment."

Tim Howard can play on my hockey team any time!!!

Hey, if he was a hockey player he would've finished the damn game!

Uh, yep.

Holy shit, trolling yinzers is easy. And fun!

The slurs will stop when Cindy stops snapping his head back like JFK in a motorcade everytime someone skates within 2 feet of him on the ice.

The only people asking "'So what does this mean for soccer in America?" are the asshats that work in Bristol, Connecticut.

Where have you gone Jozy Altidore? A nation turns it's lonely eyes to you..