You left out “the GOP will block the democratic president’s efforts to stabilize the crashing economy.” I’d slot that in right before “everyone will blame democrats for not doing enough.” Otherwise, 100% spot on.

True, but you’ll probably get to see a couple on the side of a road in a fancy part of some city some day. Just to remind you of the glorious gilded age in which we live. So at least there’s that silver lining (I know, I know, silver is totes plebe, but it’s still a good expression).

I thought it was a new lexus.

What happened? You still haven’t paid me back the $50 you owe me, that’s what happened. Pay up!

COTD!

Preach! Why didn’t he charge the mound like he’s supposed to? Weak sauce from the cameraman.

Counterpoint: Because it’s soooooo awesome!

Nah. Then Mahk wouldn’t have a jahb no moah.

That’s it. You’re . . . [wait for it] . . . grounded.

You sound like a delightfully pleasant person. Keep up the good work.

Been standing too close to the microwave? Take a look at the pictures, reread my post, take another look at the pictures if you still don’t get it, reread my post again this time focusing on the italicized words if you’re still too slow to get it, and if you still don’t get it, try back in an hour and I’ll explain it.

It’s good that there’s an outlet for this kind of information. Glad you could plug both burgers in an evenhanded way without amping up the rhetoric one way or the other.

For Useless Car(nal) Knowledge

If it bothers you, don’t apologize. You commit you.

Someone probably made this joke already, and if so I apologize. But here goes...

Agreed on Jizyah being overrated. Not sure how she beat Chastity Gooch-Fant either. That’s a travesty!

Not for long. In New-Merica, we’ll be able to do meaningful things about clean energy. Then, Texas and Louisiana will be selling oil mainly to themselves. There’s only so much profitability you can milk from Jasper and Billy-Ray rolling coal down to the pain clinic to get more opioids.

b-b-b-b-b-be-cause quarterly results will be out soon. Screw longterm stability and growth, the investor class needs their quarterly fix. Yay fiduciary obligations to shareholders!

Absolutely! Anyone who wants to move to the New-Merica could come. Under my proposal, anyone who wants to move to the south would get a stipend of like $2,000 to help with moving costs. You like your ability to freedom-down a high school (see below) and don’t want to live under the anti-freedom New-US, here’s 2-large…

My political platform is now simple: Kick out the south. They can make their own gubmint (and try to figure out how they’re going to fund things without all that num-num blue state money subsidizing them) and the rest of us can govern like grownups. My plan, draw a line up/down the eastern border of New Mexico and…