I know there’s an inherent bias among the sample, but how many people are reading this while pooping?

As a St. Louis native and a Cards fan You better watch what you say or I’ll mess you up like one of our bagels.

Long ago, the Deadspin website was founded by a charming moppet named Will. Will loves the Cardinals dearly. I think the people who write for Deadspin take great joy in ripping the Cardinals for that reason mainly, but also because Cardinals fans are the worst in baseball, yet they consistently misidentify themselves a…

Short version: their fans.

Dong Robbery: Robert Kraft’s next defense.

This isn’t nuts, it’s terrifying. These people are sheep, devoted to the ravings of a madman and incapable of contradictory thought. Holy fucking shit are we fucked.

In response, Rahm Emanuel decided to withhold their diplomas until they provide evidence this will work.

How thin you ask? They so thin that when they get a buckeye sticker they look like a philips screw.

13 strikes and a grand slam. It’s like a Denny’s restaurant health inspection grade.

ink pen

Damnit. Take your star.

In related news, Tebow finally made contact with someone else’s genitals.

... although he was kind enough to sign the ball for Brustman

“Curt, just because you weren’t personally there, doesn’t mean there wasn’t someone [else] screaming racist things.” FTFY

I don’t suppose Curt reads Deadspin but in the event he does, I’d like to clear something up for him, something I have realized in my time as a fellow white person who isn’t a gigantic piece of shit (just a modest piece of shit). Black people can say nigga, because for one, depending on the context, they aren’t using…

I spent most of my adult life in baseball parks. I have never seen someone’s ankle start bleeding profusely. For somebody to bleed enough for Schilling to be seen on the mound, other people would have been able to confirm it.

It’s Schilldingers Slur.

I’d like to see him get ebola and bleed out in front of his loved ones.

This guy is only famous for filling a stocking with mustard and bankrupting Delaware.

In Schilling’s defense, I did hear that the fan was politely yelling song lyrics at Adam Jones.