Big deal. Hockey players endure three periods a night and they still FINISH THE GODDAMN SHIFT.

This is a pristine example of why Verne Lundquist is so great. He's not over the top, and his "Oh!" "WOW!" ejaculations are completely earnest—because that's what we, the viewers, are yelling too.

By the way, what are the odds that I click submit and somehow lose this plea that I tediously typed on a goddamn cell phone? Very high, no doubt.

I take it Albert is trying to wretch away Gregs crown for biggest pretensious asshole on Deadspin. It's no shorts rant but it's a contender.

Threw up out the window while I was driving approximately 60 mph on the Staten Island Expressway, with a terrified passenger sitting shotgun.

I went out with a bunch of old HS buddies to legally drink with them for the first time during my first return home from school after turning 21. Needless to say I drank a lot. Fast forward to 2:00 am drunk marmol eating taquitos in my childhood bedroom while watching infomercials and giggling or something dumb like…

One time I was really hungover at a friend's house, and this particular friend and house were of the party varieties, so neither were ever in the best condition. Anyway, we had been drinking all night and I woke up feeling like butthole. I swore I was going to fight off puking, and I was actually managing it pretty…

Once while driving through Texas, my entire family squeezed into a brand new Yugo (Stepfather, mother, sister, brother, myself and younger brother), my younger brother decided it would be a good time to throw up the bag of Cheetos he had just polished off. The biggest problem was that a Yugo can only seat 5 people,…

Someone needs to track these dudes down and get their story. Like that Afghan girl on the cover of National Geographic.

It was the final regular season game of the old Busch Stadium. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have gone because I was on antibiotics, but again, it was potentially the last game I'd ever get to see at a park that held a lot of memories for me, so I decided to suck it up — and, of course, because I was at the…

I once made the mistake of pounding red wine at a friend's wedding reception that was being held at a golf course banquet center. I ended my time at the reception by just completely going Nagasaki all over the bathroom stall.

When I was a kid, my family was into drag racing. My dad had a car, and we all went and spent the day. It was good, wholesome, 'muricana.

This is really my ex-girlfriend's story more than mine, since she remembers it and I sure as hell don't.

Drew, you are a god among men, women, and children. Also pets. Here is my puking tale...

Working at a Sport Authority (formally known as sportsmart) I ingested a doughnut. It was a delicious little thing, no sprinkles, just an old fashioned doughnut roughly around 8 AM to get me through till lunch time at noon. …

In a car home from the bar my wife had to throw up and decided she would just open the back door and lean out... while we turning to the opposite side of the car.

I went out to a Mexican restaurant with my then girlfriend. About 5 minutes after we finish eating I start getting that getting that bloated feeling and suddenly my esophagus seemed shorter. I told my girlfriend we had to go, and we paid and left. I figured if we could get home I would be fine, and I rolled down the…

Not me, but during senior year of college, my roommate's girlfriend was drunkenly performing fellatio on him and barfed on his junk. Like a lot. I happened to walk by his room and the door was open, his girlfriend was lying on the ground crying in a pool of vomit and my roommate was cackling hysterically with vomit…

Still can't believe I did this. But hey....Ramen goes down just as easy the second time around.

Wow. That sounds.... just awful.

See, what we're really missing here is the vaccine truther (IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK, GIVE ME A SECOND!).