Ted Williams promises to eat ancient can of cat food stuck to his head if revived.

Funny, since it has been about 22 years since Tom Arnold ate a nasty-ass Barr.

Mark Sanchez wouldn’t go anywhere near that chocolate bar. He prefers his candy to be under 18, let alone under 22 years old.

HARRISON BARNES: ...I’m going to need some help with this segment.

That might be the single best typo ever.

Chris Christie: *Reads post*

Cut Houston sports reporting some slack. They’ve only just found out they have an MLB team.

I just want one game where it comes down to Bogut versus Mozgov.

Yeezus christ, “going small” was not the reason the Warriors won tonight, it was because Kyrie got hurt again. I know you have a bigger boner for the Warriors than Josh Duggar has for hist little sisters, but come on man. Also I’m not sure the entire west coast could’ve handled the earthquake that would have happened…

That’s Amare

FIELD GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If Bowlen plays his cards right and doesn't try to lie, he still might have a shot at playing pro ball.

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS IN THE UPPER RIGHT CORNER, IT IS KILLING ME.

I guess it’s true what they say about Whippets:

...particularly Big Ten Bros.

Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, the 35-year-old legend that can now be purchased at most gas stations, minor league ballparks, and chicken-wing emporia, is still looking up at Bud Light Platinum, Keystone Light, and two flavors of Natural.

cool.

Hunter Pence thinks Pete Carroll made the right call.

Hunter Pence prefers store brand cereal