It’s not much consolation for the Redblacks, who are getting slaughtered.

All of you are going to make a comment about Theismann breaking his leg, but unlike you, I’m going to take the high road and say that Theismann is a fucking idiot.

[insert picture of Fred Bird holding a “Ghost Lives Matter” sign]

As of now, it is unknown whether either organization will have their own float down

Bullshit. Let the ladies have all the spotlight. They earned it.

This is awesome! We can finally witness the most dangerous pitch ever - the “HellSinker!”

Sources say epaulets are goddamn ridiculous.

Sports baby odds: good.

Odds of a good sports baby or two?

SOURCES: Cuban beside himself. CORRECTION: Cuban driving around downtown Houston. QUESTION: How can Cuban occupy both driver and passenger seats simultaneously? ANSWER: He must split into spirit and body. CONCLUSION: Jesus spills margaritas down into the STD sores of fornicators in Hell. @bomani-jones

SOURCE: Brian has just been hired by ESPN to report on beach volleyball, jai alai, and harness racing. Salary to be paid in donuts pre-licked by Ariana Grande.

4,000 is the baby earth theory.

In addition to the new rules, if they hit a ball that beams Berman in the face and leaves him bloodied, the entirety of the US national debt will be ceremoniously wiped out.

credibility means nothing when u suckers all get Left Behind anyway

What have I learned from this? All I have to do is put “Sources:” in front of something, and I can claim pretty much anything I want.

Olbermann and Simmons get fired, but this jackhole stays employed. Your new ESPN ladies and gentleman!

10:21 am BREAKING Cuban now driving through downtown San Antonio, looking for the place in the Mercado for fresh chorizo. CORRECTION: He is looking for Mexican sausage. CORRECTION TO THE CORRECTION: My sources are telling me chorizo IS Mexican sausage and that tweeting about sausage reveals subconscious homosexual…

He believes the Earth is 4,000 years old, so it’s not like he had any credibility to lose.

I canuck believe he missed that.

It would have been disallowed even if he did score because of the obvious forward kicking motion.