Also Ayn Rand is the worst.

We, the living, can only shrug at Solo’s bullshit.

In other news, my penis has carefully considered my argument that I don’t have time to masturbate, and has rejected said argument.

So can the slaves go home now?

When Dan Snyder, Horse Fucker, was reached for comment, he could not come to the phone because Dan Snyder was too busy fucking a horse, because Dan Snyder Fucks Horses.

“I won a bid, paying $23.00 for the contents of the home team locker room”

Barry Sanders, always the class act on a pissy product.

That same October, Scott Mitchell posted an ad for an old crapper on eBay, claiming it contained his entire career.

Don’t do it Dwyane. The possibility of the Heat landing Durant would be catastrophic for the entire league. No one, and I mean no one, wants to see Marlins Man at anymore basketball games.

The Vikings proved to be good at games of chicken. The Tennessee Titans, meanwhile, struggle with drag racing.

I really hope Jack Warner has an Onion article to dispute this. The truth must be heard.

Paper trail for a god damn bribe? This must’ve been the easiest fucking investigation the Justice Department has ever undertaken. They probably have interns doing most of the work.

I don’t understand how Bulls fans who are also Cubs fans can be so upset about Thibs leaving. Ya he had a better record than Dusty Baker, but he was essentially the same thing. Now we finally have a chance to move PAST the Eastern Conference Finals and lose in the Championship for once this era.

“Go Where You Don’t Belong”

Jameis Winston confirmed deal with Under Armour.

Go Where You Don’t Belong is also the title of Kevin Smith’s personal Kama Sutra.

Report: Greg Anthony Interested In Buying NSFW Team

When told of ‘Melo’s plans to purchase the Puerto Rico Islanders, outgoing Hawks owner Bruce Levenson replied, “You can still...buy them?”

I understand a New Yorker’s disdain for sandals considering the filth of the city in which you reside and the grounds on which it exists.

Wear whatever you want imo.

I live in a coastal area of Los Angeles. I’m from here. I lived in San Diego for a while. Let’s make a deal - you don’t tell me when it is appropriate to wear sandals and I won’t make fun of you when you wear floral printed boardshorts over boxers to the beach.