Elias, I'd like to tell you a joke:

Meet Bob. Bob asks for kama'aina discount at ABC stores while wearing a polyester lei. He loves being in touch with the 'aina and lives in a McMansion in Hawaii Kai. Adds soy sauce to beef stew and calls it poke. Fuck off, Bob.

Wow, now that you mention it, that was a funny joke! Do you do standup?

#apostrophe

*whoosh*

It sounds like a jet engine coming out of the slower corners. I like.

117mph, wow! Imagine how fast he'd go if he didn't stay in first gear the whole freaking lap.

KiraVan. You can all go home now.

Less obnoxious than blatant idiocy. Cheers.

Ugh that's rough. Mothers are weird that way. I remember when I realized I was lactose intolerant (always the beginning of an exciting story, I know) I mentioned it to my mother and told her that Lactaid really helped. She responded that I shouldn't take lactaid because my lactose intolerance is my body's way of…

Why the fuck are they using their phones as tools to help them experience life together instead of wordlessly staring at their screens? Old technology SUCKS.

Poke

"Type 2 diabetes sufferers don't all look the same, believe the same things, or love the same people. And that's a good thing. It makes injecting insulin more interesting. Special. Beautiful. Magical."

*whoosh*

Your parents seem like morons, who birthed another moron. Clearly your stupidity is genetic. Hence, sterilize yourself for the good of humanity.

Here, I'll stay on topic: You are wrong about your life. Your life is not worth living.

Sounds like a lazy butthole. That movie is fucking stupid.

Sounds like you could use an artisanally made rubber sheet, handcrafted from organic caoutchouc. $12,000 at goop.com/shop

That is how breathing and talking works.

"I work in scientific research..."

So you're the lab janitor?