I had a co-worker that would fake an asthma attack whenever he didn't want to work, this would happen about once a week. He also would refuse to dust any of the fixtures because of his asthma. One time he was in the (empty) break room and another employee walked by and heard him on the phone saying he was leaving…

"Sorry! Didn't see this text"

I do it all. the. time. Even though I hate it when other people do it and we all know it's bullshit. Sometimes I really don't see a text. But I never bother giving the excuse when it's true.

I had a roommate who was supposed to go to a going away party for someone she didn't particularly give a shit about, so the excuse she gave? "I have to wash my sneakers."

"I hurt my back wearing a kilt."

Just in case no one does, I'll share the adorable feeding time picture my dad sent me today

The medical examiner for Alberta brought Gladue's preserved vagina into the courtroom to show the jury

Dr. Sarah Hunt, a First Nations anti-violence activist,

Condiment facsists that want to tell us we can't have ketchup on our hot dogs can go eat a hot bowl of dicks. Without ketchup, if they prefer, because no one should give any shits about how others want to eat their wieners.

Ketchup is delicious, no not on everything but definitely on some things. LIKE HOT DOGS.

Varys is dapper as shit.

Elizabeth knows she cannot allow herself to die until Charles is safely in the ground

jfc I'd swipe right.

I sat on it, and it was comfortable as hell. I've never been so starstruck in my entire life and it was for a damn chair. Also #tinderpic.

Someone needs to shoop a Starfleet Captain's uniform onto Obama. Someone, please make this thing happen, because it will be awesome.

If only there was an organization that looked out for Italian Americans, that could advocate on her behalf, that could negotiate with the museum, maybe make them an offer that they perhaps might have a hard time refusing.

"The museum moved to Little Italy from Midtown Manhattan in 2008, buying the three buildings for $9 million in order to expand. The recession halted those plans, Mr. Carella said, and the goal now is to find a developer to buy the buildings while allowing the museum to remain rent-free."

New York: Where we remove all traces of authenticity, then complain there is nothing authentic left.

Why don't they just take her on as an oral history project? Allow her to remain at her base rent, with the condition that she records her memories of the neighborhood for use at the Museum. Everybody wins, nobody's a charity case.

Geez. She's 85. Just let her live there until she is ready to leave.