A comma won’t fix that title, dude.

But men have pet names for their penises! Guys rarely say “penis”; they’ll say, “MY DICK” or “MY WANG” or whatever, but rarely, “MY PENIS!”

Because grown women say it. EWWWW.

It’s better than “pussy,” which is the creepiest word ever. Oh, wait, “panties” might be creepier.

I know, right?! What a good sport!!

I am also easily startled and show every freakin’ emotion on my face, so I sympathize. It reminded me of this adorable guy:

Right? Like I was thirty seconds into that video and realized that she’d screeched every important thing and there was still several minutes left on the video.

“Phine numbers” = good-looking people’s phone numbers.

Yeah. Talk about the two most basic bitches in the world getting together. Who cares.

Oh fuckin’ hell. The chatty taxi drivers. Do not go to Ireland: every cab driver wants to tell you how to live your goddamn life.

Air Canada got in BIG trouble for overbooking. They now have to pay big bucks to passengers they bump (and I’ve been on the receiving end of that bounty, but I still would rather have gotten to my destination on fucking time).

If anyone ever sat beside me at dinner and asked me about my partner, “How did you meet and what attracted you to him?”, I’d say “Grindr. His wallet,” just to piss that person off.

Yes. He is so damn cute. And now that he’s thin, he looks like Heath Ledger.

Yeah....as you can tell, back in the 70s, we just didn’t do push-ups or underwire.

Not always.

I dunno....it kind of makes her boob look like there’s a foot and a half between them.

You have decades of not being able to be yourself. That’s got to be psychically devastating.

I knew a Claude/Claudette.

B’garry.

As I said to my brother recently, “Dude, we’ve all known this for decades. We were just waiting for you to say something.”