*takes a drag off cancer stick*

This!!!

+ 525,600 minutes.

I suspect the comments on this piece won’t be pleasant, but I’m glad to have read this.

I’m 29 and wish this. I have both of them hidden on Facebook. Granted my dad, at 68 years old, has the mind of a perverted 13 year old boy so maybe it’s a special case.

I’m 34 and this is an issue with my future mother-in-law. I cannot spend more than 2 minutes with her without a picture of me winding up on her (public, of course) Facebook. She also posts when I am out of town, alerting her followers and anyone else who stumbles over to her page that my home (at a publicly listed…

I’m not on facebook, and it’s taken a lot of training (*ahem* complaining) to my mother to not post photos of me on her own account. If I wanted that shit online, I’d do it myself.

It’s so, so paternalistic for men to tell women that they can’t have the choice to end a pregnancy because they might regret it. Don’t just control our bodies, feel free to pop into our heads and predict our thoughts!

William H. Macy could pull it off, but that guy is totally gonna be played by Rick Moranis, no offense to Rick Moranis.

This Leo will always be the best Leo:

Nope, nope, nope. Leonardo DiCaprio will always be hot, no matter what he looks like. In fact, the definition of hotness shifts depending on what he looks like. Like it or not, we all have to find wide cheeks, puffy eyes, and a sweaty brow handsome now. I hit puberty right around the time that Titanic was really big.…

uh, YAH. once he got rid of that unsightly man-bun.

Who, me?

I mean, I think in order to be fair, the CDC should also recommend that men of all ages abstain from having sex with women who have been drinking, might be drinking, or may have consumed alcohol at some point in the past.

Refer to him as Drumpf from now on.

It depends on where you live/which factory your cookies come from.

The best burn in the segment is describing Kanye as a bored sociopath with a finger free anus.

Finally, DiCaprio can dig out something closer to Catch Me If You Can from his pile o’ scripts. I miss that DiCaprio.

I can’t decide my favorite part. It was so good. But “Rhonda” might be it.