Bring on that lizard baby!

I shall also name my firstborn after a groundbreaking 80s miniseries that was later remade into an unsuccessful aughts full-season series that their life may shine as brightly.

Am I the only man who finds intellect to be the most important thing in a woman aside from hating my family and loving my friends?

Well, it didn't start out really pretty.

Real Genius 2, please.

I've never met anyone from this new race called "foreign," but I imagine cops will shoot them too.

I did, considering that a lowly male such as myself am taking care of my mother, and running myself into the ground to do so.

Raise your hand if you didn't need a study to tell you this.

That horse is just really enthusiastic about the prospect of a lower capital gains tax.

But Mark, how can you deny the solid "bitches be crazy and men's money is more important than all the things!" reasoning of the OP?

Wait what? I don't remember that.

Ugh. Everyone knows you fake amnesia, not death! Gawd, millennials, get your shit together!

"My past," she told the room, is littered with the bones of men who were foolish enough to think I was someone they could sleep on."

where's the obligatory pic of your cat?! #notatruecatperson

I'm pretty sure both the Astros and Red Sox are now fielding lineups consisting of men made from beer cans.

MCCONAUGHEY F-PACK INVENTORY MANIFEST

I think it's awfully hypocritical of JA to be counseling people against plastic surgery when the woman is on what, her FIFTH nose? Does she think no one notices?

Is anyone else disappointed that the "looming" in this case refers to crafts, and not to hovering menacingly in photographs?

Lol @ "turn of the century"

I used to decoupage like a motherfucker on uppers.