Jason Stratham attends the unveiling of Madame Tussaud's "Action Stars of the 80s and 90s" exhibit.

"Herlubur grlee. Frur howble OHWUHB alblaowurf pluhr."

Ugh. God, those poor people.

What? Stephanie Meyer you keep your filthy claws off of Stranger With My Face and Summer of Fear and Daughters of Eve. You hear me? OFF.

OOHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!

Q: what's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

According to the tabloids, you're gross! No one will like you!

Do these people think she coded the game or something?

Level zero. Like "War Games" taught us: "The only winning move is not to play."

Bacon has turned many a Jew.

Its kind of like West Side Story.

Only Brad Paisley is allowed to suck at a Brad Paisley concert!

That shit at 1:20 kinda harshed my babiesyawning buzz.
"Awww...awww...awwwwAAAHHH WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?"

Thank you for being a friend.

Because in the sequel we find out he didn't real hang himself in jail. He's still alive and he's coming back for more!

Coming up next on HGTV: Dungeon Do-over!

I'd like to officially announce I am hiring myself out as a professional internet commenter. These are the services I provide:

When my kid asks me where babies come from, I'm just going to say "When a man and a woman love each other very much, the woman puts her hand on her stomach. Then a stranger takes a picture and publishes it. That's how a woman gets pregnant."

WOULD YOU RATHER...