Once every seven years I think I NEED bangs and that they will look fabulous on me. They never, ever do.

I purchased the two CD movie soundtrack in college (a lot of money to me at the time) just to hear Sug sing "Maybe God is Trying to Tell You Something."

I can't believe Susan Sarandon has a phone with a cord on it. I love her...

I had to read it ten times. Wtf is she saying?!

At least she's not twerking. Yet.

Please tell me what I have to do to get someone to make me a titty fuckin cake. Whatever it is, I'll do it!

I met my husband in 2000 and we make each other laugh every day. Be yourself, be fun and make your life what you want it to be. Dating is tough these days, though. No words of wisdom for how to screen potential suitors.

Wow, that is amazing. How does he manage to change his appearance so easily but remain so consistently douchey? Sorry, innocent until proven douchey. Oops, I mean guilty!

That would be Martha Stewart.

Dang portable hand computing device. IN the USA. And where did you get that horrifying picture?

Why don't they make Marine and other armed forces tees kin the US of A? Los Angeles has plenty of t-shirt factories that have competitive pricing.

That's awesome. Thank you. Consider your good deed for the day done.

The character was named Rider Strong?! Please tell me you're making that up or else I may need to rename my boy-child.

Lindy, you are an amazing writer, comedian and all around babe. I am so sorry you have had to endure all this hateful ass-hattery. The responses you received make me sick. Sending you hugs.

People vote for what they want with every retail purchase they make. Not buying GMO means not buying Monsanto. I'm all for that. They're dicks.

What a dick.

Wouldn't it be awesome if that's what his ice-princess mom looked like? Or am I just way too into Betty's performance in Mad Men.

Looking at a wall of magazines, I was struck by how all celebrities are starting to look alike: the cheek implants, botox, plumped lips. I'm hoping they all start falling apart in a few years when I'll be due for such things. It seriously effed up that no woman in the public eye is allowed to age.

This implies that a young, adult woman = half a man. Nice. And how has this sh*t been on the air for ten years? Seriously, who watches this show!?!

I would fund a video of them reenacting "Two Girls One Cup." Some people just need to eat a little poo to take them down a peg.