My interpretation of this ad is

Frodo is correct

I’m sorry, but that thing is ugly

Ahh damn it you made me chuckle. Take your star. Full disclosure, I’m borrowing that dad joke...

“It’s continuing mission, to explorer strange new strange”

. . . impressive at the time, they have not aged well at all, nor are they all that impressive today. Acceleration and handling is easily matched by go-fast economy cars.

I’ll bring the Cuervo (Gold)

...dork leather?

How does this story end (with dysentery?)

Thank you for posting this, it’s exactly where my mind went as well!

That’s actually a shit hole, which you can sit on while driving through shit holes

There was no 2013 Porsche Cayman (in the US)

Ummm not to be a pedant but you do know air cooled is not the opposite of fuel injected right?

The fact of the matter is people don’t buy manuals. Even in Miatas, and worth noting that a DCT is light years ahead of the slush box in a Miata. All I’m saying is you can’t fault Alfa for trying to narrow down the options to what actually sells.

Even if they’re just in it for the fake crying toddlers?

I shan’t burn a calorie without consuming 10 in its place

Literally no one reads magazines anymore.  I get a bunch I never signed up for and they clog up my recycle bin.

I don’t know, someone might come around and punt your kid

Just googled it, not sure how I never knew that. Definitely a valid point for not liking him!

Wha do you have against Seinfeld? Not picking a fight, genuinely curios.