You fucking bastard. There is not one single mention of Homeowners Associations on this entire goddamn list.

That story made me believe in private ownership of nuclear weapons.

Are you aware of how important to sports history Jenner is? They’re not covering him because he is part of the Kardashian Klan. Your comment about “manning up” makes no fucking sense and your tone is that of a petulant child. If you are over 15, you need to rethink how you want to live your life.

Freebirds is terrible if you need quarters for the parking meter.

I don’t care how “insensitive” I sound. I hope you die in a bus fire.

The bad part is I could totally see it being the premise for a Hollywood rom-com. “Meg Ryan thought she was gonna be dead in two years when she promised Tom Hanks a date in five years. Now she’s a survivor who’s finally ready to live, and he’s a hopeless romantic with a heart of gold. Coming to theatres this November,…

If you think about it, any story about food is the beginning of a poop story.

NASCAR needs to adopt this guy:

Whatever Deadspin/Gawker Media is paying Burneko, he needs to be paid more. Shit’s genius.

Two Buck Chuck, meet Two-Buck-A-Drain ‘Swain.

Gareth Bale, he’s from England?

Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.

Best part is Ken’s “IDGAF you’re both in the red” smile.

Is there something wrong with me that I also thought the answer was hoe? Because I definitely thought the answer was hoe.

And one of the categories on Celebrity Jeopardy! recently was “The Pen Is Mightier”...and no one did the thing. Although Penn (or Teller? I can’t keep them straight) did ask for “Bull____” as “Bullshit” which had to be edited out, which was mildly entertaining.

One the categories in Double Jeopardy was actually “’S’ Words."

Look, dude, this unnamed man very strongly identifies with the lack of resolution to the question of bed identity location vis a vis his boots, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

one time i save bread

You are vastly overestimating the available choices in Bryant, AR. It's basically 16,000 people who don't want to live in the big city. Also it's in a dry county so they don't attract a lot of restaurants. Probably you could get Dominoes, but it seems like 6 of 1.