As soon as I read 1 and 2, I had a pretty good feeling you were talking about Camden Yards. I'm not going to make a scene or give anyone else shit around me for participating in the wave, but those drunk morons who refuse to give up the ghost when their wave doesn't catch on or keep trying to start it up during…

Only 0.1% better than normal.

Truth. I appropriated last year’s Father’s Day giveaway (Orioles fedora) because it was awesome and my dad doesn’t do hats. No home game on Father’s Day this year though...to the Aberdeen single-A game (and third base crab deck) it is!

is it in my prerogative to get up, run over to the table, buzz the buzzer, and tell them to come back and look?

Gertie approves!

Well... I think there is one, and only one, way in which that sentence could be true, albeit extremely poorly phrased.

I think the Pickle-Tip guy was a malfunctioning outer space robot from Mars. See, he heard, "Don't take any wooden nickles," and then glitched it into "don't take any wooden pickles," and then misinterpreted that to mean "The earth-humans demand gifts of pickles plaaced upon the wooden table. I have pleases Emperor…

Insolent Internet Ingrate Insults Insider

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know my cheddar biscuits will be free. And I won't forget the men who died, so I can bitch about automatic gratuity.

Calipari really relies on his athleticism and doesn’t play a team game. On the other hand, Bo Ryan’s savvy fundamentals and gritty determination show he knows how to play the game right way.

I wonder if the stenographer recorded that.

This joke is based on the false premise that Kentucky enforces educational standards.

"I can't marry you, I'm already married! My husband's name is, um, Joe Smith! He's a baseball player! For the, errr, Los Angeles...Angels...of Anaheim!"

They say you should save three month's wages for an engagement ring, which explains why his was invisible.

I dip potato chips into my cottage cheese. All kinds, doesn't matter what it is. Large curd only. Small curd cottage cheese is too weird for me.

Fun Fact: It’s now illegal to hold that in Indiana.

If I could go back in time, I’d have lunch with Adolf Hitler in Vienna, 1912, before he had fully embraced antisemitism. We’d talk about what his plans were for the money from his father’s estate and have a passionate discussion on the merits of zonal marking on set pieces. Hitler would order the schnitzel, and I, the…

Our American Cousin.

Which of course spawned the greatest cleanliness-related quote of all time: