"I can't marry you, I'm already married! My husband's name is, um, Joe Smith! He's a baseball player! For the, errr, Los Angeles...Angels...of Anaheim!"

They say you should save three month's wages for an engagement ring, which explains why his was invisible.

I dip potato chips into my cottage cheese. All kinds, doesn't matter what it is. Large curd only. Small curd cottage cheese is too weird for me.

Fun Fact: It’s now illegal to hold that in Indiana.

If I could go back in time, I’d have lunch with Adolf Hitler in Vienna, 1912, before he had fully embraced antisemitism. We’d talk about what his plans were for the money from his father’s estate and have a passionate discussion on the merits of zonal marking on set pieces. Hitler would order the schnitzel, and I, the…

Our American Cousin.

I got towed once at a college apartment complex after I went through great measures to get a visitor pass. I called the tow company, asked them to look exactly where the pass was supposed to be, and lo and behold, it was there. They brought my car back right away and apologized. I was very polite and never raised my…

Which of course spawned the greatest cleanliness-related quote of all time:

You could also be pissed at the D.C. fanbase and media that allowed not one, but two teams to leave town over the years, and then at the scores of them that dared to drive up I-95 to go to Camden Yards because no other team wanted to be associated with Washington for decades. The inability of the city to put together…

I think Dave Barry said it best:

Serf & Turf

This poster's comment is a plus. And the number of pluses in this comment is one.

Bill Don't Lie (groan)

Well played, both of you.

MF is never acceptable. If a writer doesn't care enough to motherfucker a motherfucker, fuck it.

"I mean, right?"

Jeez, there's like nobody doing any constructin'. I hadn't realized IDOT won the bid.

It's Indiana, not Insteve.

I too always root for the dog in the Aesop fable with the bone in his mouth that barks at himself reflected in the water (thereby losing both bones) and will naively reprint press releases from that dog's agent attempting to justify that decision.

"God, she's beautiful...I mean, 'Her phenotype is pulchritudinous.'"