Goddammit, Farva.

“MLB, you’d better not do that to Ichiro; don’t be cops.”

Obligatory:

they need to hide some Germans on their team

Definitely. Maybe you can throw in a life lesson or two with the young ones. Remind them how they’re lucky to be in a Volkswagen and not some old Cavalier or something.

His family refuses to ride in his car that probably should have been sent to the junkyard years ago, so it’s time for a replacement that’s safe but not lame. What car should he buy?

I miss having an old shitty car people hate riding in, it’s the best excuse to not waste gas on them and their poor opinions.

before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s remember that he has two brothers that aren’t retiring.

“It reminded me, unfortunately, of Altered Carbon, a Netflix series that looks cool and has a great premise, but is shallow as a puddle, uninterested in delving below the surface of the cyberpunk aesthetic to actually say much beyond “rich people are bad.”

I expect nothing less from someone rocking a shirt of the famous Russian superhero Boris Man.

On taxes, nobody CHEATS like Gaston!

No one LEAPS like Gaston!

Maybe the sculptor was onto something...he managed to capture his inner coolness quite well

If the ref sees a dive, they should confirm it on video replay, then red card the diver. That’s the only way this shit will end.

This is why people hate soccer.

Nelson’s joy at watching Andy Williams in Branson is utterly fantastic.

There you go. SCIENCE!

MARGE: Oh, for the love of criminy! Gimme that. [grabs phone] Look, I know Bart did something wrong, but he’s my son, and I’m going to punish him myself. Our countries may have their differences, but as human beings, I think we can all agree, there’s no substitute for the discipline of a loving parent... [listens] He…

Is 30 Minutes Over Tokyo is the one where Woody Allen is making a Japanese commercial and goes “What did I do to deserve this? Oh, right.”

“Not bad for a 40 year old dad of 5 who sits at a desk all week.”