Isn’t this basically the backstory of Pixels IRL, sans video game invasion and Q*Bert impregnation?

Except for the part where he goes to the Pats

And this is how the world will end.

Thanks for writing this. Someone resurrected the March Madness thread because of it. God damnit.

ESPN is probably patting themselves on the back that not one of these messages was a dick pic

Hey man, you realize it’s just a word, right? It has no physical or magical properties whatsoever.

We can’t possibly know that. McGregor might have started out without the power to push over a Jenga tower. Getting him to where he could punch hard enough to bruise fruit might have been a huge accomplishment. And teaching him to stop saying “pow” with every punch was pretty much a miracle.

I was in that exact same situation of a stealth attempt. Luckily, I had my trusty baseball bat with me and whapped it right in the head. The turkey immediately fell over. I was about to move on when it got back up. I hit it again, and it got up again. After pulling off the Undertaker rise for the third time in a row,…

I wouldn’t just wear it as a badge of honor, it’d be the only thing on my resume. I figure “I handed Jerry Jones his own ass in court” in 72 point font would get me any job in the country outside of Dallas on the spot.

I miss the dragon laser. Dragon cloud vomit just doesn’t have the same impact as a red laser beam knocking you out from across the map.

Just put a horse head on this and you’ll be good to go:

There goes my dream of them losing all the QBs and running the Wildcat all season.

Commander Keenum: Case is on the... case.

But with the quarterback market being what it is, every move is going to look like a gamble.

No autopsy, no foul.

It takes longer because bus tires get poor traction on water.

The are just itching to trade all of their picks to move up and draft Josh Allen and his inability to hit the broad side of a barn.

Only fair, considering how often mysterious clock screwups have given the magic a chance to cheat its way into a win.

This is the worst Lakers-Magic screwup that doesn’t involve AIDS.

Bikini Atoll is lovely this time of year.