I was smoking a Cohiba in my uncle's walk-in humidor because I have an uncle who has a humidor next to his wine cellar across the way from his in-ground pool that sits, oddly enough, next to the pool house. The Buttfumble happened just as someone in the room called Obama a socialist.

I will let my defensive Cub fan ego creep in here and point out that the Cubs have the longest active streak of not being no-hit in all of baseball.

Freeman McNeil would be so perfect for this. I can't imagine a better candidate. It's nothing short of inspiring what he can accomplish these days without the meth.

I enjoy many of the Gingers' contributions to the sports—well that's a lie [laughing]. I can't even pretend that's true. There are very few—a small handful—of redheads who are any good at this at all. That's the truth. The amount of Gingers talking in sports to the amount of firecrotches who have something to say is…

I'd appreciate this if it wasn't so eerily autobiographical from the author.

Return of the Brett, get up!
What it is, what it does, what it is, what it isn’t.
Looking for a sadder way to get up out of bed
Instead of getting on the Internet for Facebook notifications
Get up! Fresh out, pen out walking, little bit of stalky, little bit of cautious
Somewhere between like Chen and Guthrie. Shitter…

A white running back at Notre Dame is the real Touchdown Jesus for many fans.

I have to go with Mushnick because Whicker's was stupid and shocking but not exemplary of any sort of bias against a group of people. Mushnick's column reaches beyond just unjustifiably dumping on Peterson—it's actually racist and toxic and uses Peterson as Mushnick's representative of a larger group and perceived…

A list of contact info per state to report child abuse. https://t.co/cnq7OpmNMQ

This is good.

It's "Jerry" Van Dyke, not "Gerry," idiot.

Hud and Speck's mother couldn't be reached for comment as she was busy appraising a home.

You hit several of the points of the ignorant fan playbook, champ. Fans don't pay player salaries. Owners who make their own money in other ventures, not from the team, do. You believe that there is a linear connection to you buying a ticket, concessions, or merchandise that leads to a player's check, but that's…

Sally? And pride is based on something you achieved. You don't achieve what the Bears do.

The amount of adult Bears fans that wear jerseys while in their own homes is disturbing.

That was good.

Nice story from Castillo's almost no-hitter in 1995. And Brian McRae had to buy him a Mercedes when Castillo hit a batting practice homer.

The new A and second T look a wee bit stabby, though.

Sonofabitch, it seems Larry's logo is already being silenced by that Islamofascist.