An omission of the Roberto Duran equivalent?

Why must people always make me choose between massive mindfucks and cancer?

Sen. Michelle Bachman of Minnesota has condemned Joe Mauer's diagnosis of bilateral leg weakness and is calling for the AMA to only make such diagnoses if they are heterolateral.

While a great read, there's still one glaring aspect that seems to have gone unbroached—why has Tico Pringle never been in the Name of the Year tournament?

Idiot. Looking like that you should have gone the child-molesting route.

Several penises will look just like that shortly.

He did the same thing when recalling that one time he got mistaken for John Mayer.

Last time someone Irish collapsed that badly, there was a 50 foot scissor lift involved.

Seems like a solid guy: [www.huffingtonpost.com]

Gene Siskel?

"Boy, with pitchers like these, it's a wonder the Cubs can't get anyone out to Wrigley."

The Double Megadraft—raking it in for police departments outside of minor league ballparks since 1993.

"The alleged shooter: Her stepfather. Yes, the importance of family."

That could be a Rangers jersey circa mid-90s style. It could be. No, wait, Steve, I'm cool. Listen, Dickey, you can't just cast aspersions on us Cub fans like th... get your hands off me, Steve, I said I'm fine. Dickey, you know we Cub fans struggle daily to overcome so many stereotypes... shut. the. fuck. up.…

"Hello, everybody. It's 42 and rainy here at Wrigley Field. Perfect weather for a Cubs/Pirates matchup..."

I thought the Cinnamon Challenge was eating a teaspoon a day to see if it added flavor to my semen. Hey, Jeff, you asshole liar, c'mere...

Not coincidentally, Lincecum came up with the idea after downing 18 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

It's sad what's happened to that kid actor since they cancelled "Everybody Hates Chris."

He has a new album coming out soon. Dude's like Tupac: [www.paulsimon.com]

And for Sexual Abuse Survivors Week.