Britney looks like a real estate agent photo on a bus bench in that picture.

Know what’s fun? When you have emergency gallbladder removal surgery and no one warns you about the side effects.

i swing back and forth. sometimes i’ll just pee out my butt, other times i’ll poop once every 4 or 5 days. it’s never regular and yes, it’s awful.

answer: you don’t.

the docs will tell you that having your gallbladder out is a simple, easy surgery. and it is! what’s not easy and simple is learning how to eat and live without it.

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That’s totally the “oh god I broke the seal where’s the nearest toilet or bush” waddle.

I’m not looking to belittle your comment, but I would like to be of assistance if you still need more locks. You can go to projectchildsafe.org and they can tell you where to get them for free. In my area almost every police department gives them away for free.

I don’t know if you guys have this is the US, but we have a thing called ‘Hard Rubbish’. Every council has a date set each year where you can pile up up to 2m square of crap (not household waste or recycling) that they’ll come by and pick up and get rid of. You can also book a 2nd date each year for free. So twice a…

When she reaches age 28 at midnight, a crystal in her hand starts blinking red.

I didn’t say you were the only one and I’m not saying that it’s not possible to have momentarily misunderstood the context.

I could give two shits about Jay Z, but I am DEFINITELY going to start washing my butt like that.

When I first saw a picture of her I thought she was part of the extended family. But, to be fair, everyone is morphing into the Kardashian image now. Everyone is doing the same contouring, the same eyebrows, the same hair, dressing the same. It’s creepy.

could be the first sentence in a book I’d read over and over again.

Returning home before sunup in the right NYC neighborhoods in the 80s was amazing. Snagged a genuine Eames Office chair and footstool on Park once, a functional defibrillator another time. (No, the chair didn’t have bed bugs, and never actually tried the defibrillator, but it did power up.)

Nope, not your fault. I totally read it that way too, thinking that “shooting” meant actually shooting the movie, not the theater shootings. And I liked the movie too!

That’s what dandilyn said. I think he’s going to talk to the neighbors and come up with an arrangement for the disposal of their small appliances. I think I’m going to talk to a lawyer about dissolution on grounds that I married a hoarder (jk)

It’s a much better viewing experience when the actors look like the characters would in real life. On the BBC, even pretty woman look like regular pretty women and not like they’ve had tens of thousands of dollars in surgery and fillers and highlights, which is just not believable in, say, an attractive detective.

That’s why I’m all about the BBC programs on Netflix. The femme fatale in those shows wouldn’t get cast as the one-line post office clerk in an American show, and they’re way more believable. Janky teeth ftw!