My mom likes cooking and we always made homemade marinara sauce. (It’s almost as easy as opening a jar, to be honest.) But of course as a kid I was so sure Spaghettios would be AMAZING. One day Mom caved and got me a jar, and I had pretty much the same reaction as these kids. I’m a fan of all kinds of junk food, but…

Last time I ate an oyster, after being harassed by family to try one, I immediately threw it up onto the table. I’m 32.

Get well soon to her. She just looks like such a pleasant human. Her and Tom genuinely look like nice human beings (please don’t give me some horrible story about how the kick puppies or something in their free time)

EVERYTHING FROM NJ IS THE BEST

Defensive New Jerseyan over here, if you haven’t guessed. :) The property taxes are insane and certain parts are crowded, but it’s really a lovely state with great beaches, farms, hiking, skiing, etc. Gets a bad rep from Jersey Shore, Real Housewives, and that one stretch of the Turnpike that cuts through the most…

I worked at a Dunkin. Those eggs are made of something other than real eggs. Get a real deli sandwich.

Omg the deli by my work makes their egg’n’cheese on big, soft kaiser rolls and will, if you like, use that particular beef sausage I lurve more than air, with the (2 slices! of) cheese melted thereon. And they salt and pepper the egg while it’s still liquid, so it gets in there, and isn’t just perched on top of bland.

OR

Dunkin’s breakfast sandwiches are far superior to Starbucks’. But eat a breakfast sandwich from a NY deli (or, my preference — a NJ diner) and you’ll realize Dunkin’s sandwiches taste like plastic.

Yeah that sounded way too fabricated. If he is a douche, he will prove it to us in other ways. Just be patient, grasshoppers.

Wow. So even kissing Madonna makes you feel 100?

That picture of Chrissy made me feel a lot better about my inner thigh stretch marks. I honestly thought I was the only one who had them.

Enjoy it while it lasts, kid. Being a smart kid is hell as an adult. People have so many expectations for you, so many goals, so many AP classes. You have so much promise as a young thing, so bright and clever, and suddenly you look around and you’re sitting in your pajamas, watching Netflix, doing nothing with your…

I bet Ariana Grande knows China is a country...maybe she’s the world’s smartest baby.

its like someone sewed together two high school semi-formal dresses from DEB

Yeah, every time I read news about the police killing some innocent black man (so like, every week) I just think about how nice it would be to move to Mars.

Totally. Ugh.

At a public high school my sisters and I all attended at various points, there was a teacher who - rumor had it - slept with a bunch of his students. He left his wife for an 18-year-old former student almost immediately after she graduated, then the student dumped him, his wife TOOK HIM BACK YOU GUYS, and he’s still…

Her last name is Biel. Batmo Biel.

Just got it: Batmo Biel!