I can hear it so clearly, I’m not even sure if he ever said “fire.” This is a curse.  

DR is in the Caribbean, and it was Costa Rica (also not in South America) that the definitely-murdered husband would sometimes travel to. 

Breaking windows was a little crazy, but I flip over a planter every time i receive a text.

It could still happen. The NBA could (and should) run an expedited playoff tournament. No fans.  Maybe hold it over a week, single elimination, then best of 3 finals.  Everyone would watch.  

8/23/2019 - We’re now in day six of what humanity, or what’s left it, will remember as the Great Popeye’s Shortage of 2019. The townsfolk have gone from cautious and jittery to outright hostile. The streets are quiet, save the occasional sound of a bullet or two ringing out in what you hope is the distance. I ventured…

Are you his barber? Because... mission accomplished.

You just nitpicked the hell out of the thing that you totally were not going to nitpick.  

Can you imagine having a president who puts thought into the words they say, and also the effects of those words? Seems surreal. 

Great idea, the local elections will be a lot of fun. The entire city council, new judges, DA and county recorder are recently-released prisoners.  Hooray democracy!

Captain Contrarian does not accept your reasonable take! Now, IF YOU DON’T MIND, he has some goalposts to move.

Punching holes in the narrative to surprise viewers is what season 7 is all about, baby! And season 6, for that matter. D&D aren’t quite skilled enough to properly reverse-engineer a story.  

“Was it helmet to helmet? Looked like it was all shoulder,” I said. At this point, the mushrooms had fully kicked in, and the tiny football men had taken a backseat, focus-wise, to my booth partner’s iridescent, marble-like eyes as he plotted to steal sips from my water cup.  

He needs to grow a beard or something.  He looks like Jeffrey Tambor with late-onset progeria.  

I am envious of your turkey party, and I’m assuming you made some sort of peace offering which is why they haven’t murdered your entire family.

If a guy gets within 2cm of my face, I don’t immediately go into Pavarotti-mouth. But that’s why Enes gets paid the big bucks while I’m looking at the internet like a goddamn shlub. He’s got the intangibles.

If you don’t know... now you know, nibble.

Let’s not act like “gonna 2B” is a perfectly ok thing to say.

Wow man, you may or may not have hurt Louie’s reputation with that bullshit header photo, but you definitely hurt yours (to the extent that’s worth anything). Hope the sweet clickz were worth it.

Time to double down on the huge dick defense, I guess. “It’s like an elephant trunk. Sometimes it grabs syringes full of god-knows-what and injects them straight into my taint. I’m the victim here.”

Sisterfucking nazis... you shook the bottle, now you get the Fiz!