True. It will scuttle down the nearest manhole to undergo a metamorphosis of sorts, then we’ll see it reappear on Tucker Carlson in 6-8 months with a slightly weirder shape.

I was looking forward to church, but as soon as I saw people kneeling, a sign of great disrespect to the Jesus and our bibles, the service is over for me!

Lindsay Graham is just wondering if this applies to all GOP politicians

I’ve never once complimented a Kardashian, but good on her for apparently trying to get him help.  Now, if he’d kindly fuck off so we can stop with this nonsense.  

“Arabian Joe’s” is kind of weird, but this whole thing is the result of someone with way too much time and surplus angst. A store wrote the name Jose on a pack of beer? Holy shit. It says “imported from Mexico” on there, too. What if someone considers that EXOTIC?!

“All other religions call for works-based salvation, you have to earn it to get to a supposed reward and being good enough is not how Heaven works.”

I, for one, salute Disney for officially changing the name of Boba Fett’s ship to “FairlyCompensatedEmployeeWithFullBenefitsAndPaidFamilyLeave-One.”

“I suppose the South won’t be rising again anytime soon.”

“I never said ‘actually’.”

911 Operator: Maam I hear you saying there is a man holding your family hostage at gunpoint, is that right? We will be dispatching thoughts and prayers immediately. Please let the gunman know there is a community-based program that can help him sort out any mental distress he might be having.

Question: Who would I call when I’m the victim of a violent crime, rape, etc.?

Our PR team has assured us that no one will question our previous league-wide position that kneeling disrespects the troops or... the flag, or something. So, please, no questions about that.

Definitely has some static in his brain when he’s trying to get a thought out. A good VP would be nice, but to be honest Joe Nottrump has my vote even if his VP pick is Antonin Scalia’s rotten skeleton.

“You better put EXACTLY 58 sprinkles on my ice cream or I swear I will eat a piece of my own shit instead!” That’s what you sound like.

Not sure if you wrote it that way on purpose, but that man’s name should be “Bow and Error.”

Did Alex Jones happen to mention where any of these liberal riot bus stops are?  

But honestly, once the clean-up is all done, what a relief for her.

All lives matter, but not as much as punctuality!  

Seems like they released more than just raw footage though, right? Do you think they had all those interviews done, edited, and ready to go when they asked MJ? And they were cleared on all the licensing and related bullshit from a dozen different broadcast companies with game footage? Or, just maybe, getting MJ on…

Ooh that came out really casual. If I had to guess, I think hillbilly race car man averages about 7.4 npd (N’s per day).  Slightly above nascar average.