Ed Sheeran is retweeting old jokes.

PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!

She's holding it upside down. It's an ass potato.

The laughing. Why is she always laughing? What could be so goddamned funny that she does NOTHING BUT LAUGH??? SHE'S CLEARLY INSANE!!!!

Not Drew, but I once invented Beef Stroganoff.

My wife quit when we had our third child and all of a sudden daycare was just about what she brought home. I was doing okay, so we did it and it was great. Amazing for the kids, she was much happier, and when you factored in lunches and gas to commute to work we were actually ahead of the game.

Guns don't clean balls, people clean balls.

I think you've gut come up with a product. To Kickstarter, NOW!!!

But that's not what I learned in Econ 101!!! Supply and demand!!! Supply and demand!!!

Good. I hope the Fusion cartridge comes down in price to where I can afford to change the blade more often than every six months.

I always post this when we talk about mid-size pickups but it's only because I want one so bad:

I feel much smarter than I did before reading this article. Thanks for that.

"We've secretly replaced the shower gun with a real pistol. Let's see who notices..."

I only read the headline, but the answer is "No."

There was an article not too long ago about a woman who was kind of doing the same thing and all of the comments were "You go, girl."

Hi Ho.

It doesn't sound any different than when I used to play army or cowboys when I was a kid. I'm not all fucked up because I "killed" my friends a couple hundred times.

Alcohol - Allowing you to make fundamentally sound choices for centuries.

Whoah, whoah, whoah. I thought Pocohontas happened on Pandora.

It would just be gross to be anyone #2 or up. Jesus, by 45, I can't imagine she's digging it, so you're essentially raping her. Gah!